Hamish’s Guide to Social Etiquette

He's obscene, poorly groomed and ready to teach the finer points of decorum.

Even by 1902 standards, Hamish is filthy and off-putting. Here’s how to behave like Bellacourt Manor’s most unsavory employee.

  1. BE GROSS AND MEAN

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    Anyone can be gross or mean, but it takes a special kind of refinement to be both at once. Therefore, no matter the occasion, you must look for ways to be hostile and upsetting. Try calling a coworker an idiot or casually bringing up any sexual viruses you may be carrying.

  2. KIDNAP PEOPLE FOR MONEY

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    Show off your politeness: Abduct a friend under false pretenses at their own request. Just be sure you smell bad while doing it.

  3. BECOME AROUSED BY KNIVES

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    Propriety is about saying the right thing at the right moment. For Hamish — and now for you — that means saying something perverted when there’s a knife at your throat. Now go forth and be dignified.