Ending Your S**tty Marriage, 1903-Style

Things not working out with your partner? You're in good company. Good, infuriatingly privileged company.

Marriage in 1903 was bad enough, but it was way worse in the Bellacourt family — what with the fertility rituals and wildly unsatisfying sex. So if you’re ready to end things with your spouse, follow in the Bellacourts’ footsteps to ensure that you come out on top.

  1. NEVER COMPROMISE

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    Being a spoiled socialite means that you end up getting your way no matter what. When it’s time for you and your new ex to divvy up your possessions, buckle down for a long battle of wills — which in most cases just means competitively sitting around and doing nothing.

  2. WATCH OUT FOR HATCHET SPASMS

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    The turn of the century was, among other things, a terrifying hellscape of medical mysteries. For example, Beatrice’s ex-husband Albert finds that his arm is sent into involuntary spasms whenever he sees a hatchet thanks to a traumatic incident in his past. If your old flame develops a similar problem, be like Beatrice: Stay strong and never get rid of your hatchets. That’s rule number one.