Prepare for Battle

Choose wisely. The victory shall be swift; the defeat shall be crushing.

Assume fighting posture, warrior, for your enemy approaches, and you must be prepared. Is that rival your annoying cubicle mate? Your friend’s obnoxious other friend? Your own sibling? Whatever the case, the route to victory is fraught with peril. Heed lessons from these masters of combat, and there will be no foe whom you cannot best and emerge triumphant. Observe:

  1. The Upstairs Path

    Do you favor the style of the over-moneyed and ostentatious young fighter? Beware, for it is a vicious one meant only for those so callous and self-centered that they would betray their own blood.

    Behold Master Beatrice blindsiding her sister Lillian with the power of terrible poetry in order to outmaneuver her for the attention of the man they are both pursuing. Marvel as Master Lillian, adaptable as the summer breeze, unleashes a furious and confusing dance to counter. ’Tis true savagery to witness.

  2. The Downstairs Way

    Or is to your liking to align yourself with the Great Battling Butlers of Old, using the rules of conduct to knock your opponent senseless?

    Such is the method of Mighty Pershwal, butlering his rival Peepers into a corner by critiquing his cooking and turning his staff against him. Without the pride of his butlering bona fides, Peepers shrivels like a stalk of corn in the summer drought. Oh, once mighty warrior, how you have fallen! ’Twould make any observer blanch.