The Harshest Burns, Night by Night

Break out the aloe.

While Mike Lawrence may have been crowned the Roast Battle champion, every combatant in the bracket got in at least one or two biting barbs during their time in the ring. Like the connoisseurs of roasting that we are, we’ve collected the crème de la crème for you to enjoy. Savor them.

NIGHT 4

SARAH TIANA VS. MIKE LAWRENCE

No one targets a competitor’s weaknesses quite like Mike Lawrence, and this dig at Sarah Tiana’s diminishing shelf life was only made harsher by the fact that it was on live TV. Demoralizing to the point of demonic, it’s no wonder Mike would go on to win the whole enchilada.

EARL SKAKEL VS. SARAH TIANA

Earl Skakel’s slut-shaming jokes may have shocked and scandalized the crowd, but Sarah Tiana’s humdinger of a closer turned Earl’s glamorous onstage persona against him to knock him out of the bracket. It was an assassination joke wielded by a bona fide killer.

K. TREVOR WILSON VS. MIKE LAWRENCE

Everyone’s familiar with yo’ mama jokes, but it’s an unexpected twist when someone throws out a yo’ daddy joke and serves it up with as much panache as K. Trevor Wilson did. He may not have bested Mike Lawrence in the end, but dammit, he did his home country of Canada proud.

EARL SKAKEL VS. K. TREVOR WILSON

Earl Skakel got pummeled for his privilege and sexual history throughout the competition, but none of those other insults were as scathing and straightforward as this one. A state-of-the-art malice missile, it left destruction and hurt feelings in its wake.

NIGHT 3

MIKE LAWRENCE VS. RALPHIE MAY

Ralphie May put up a valiant fight while roasting Mike Lawrence about his body odor. In the end, however, Mike’s jabs at Ralphie’s weight hit harder. When it comes to someone’s smell, it’s like what Muhammad Ali said: “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. You can’t hit what you can’t see.”

SARAH TIANA VS. SAM MORRIL

Sam Morril had already attacked Sarah Tiana’s age, but she turned the tables on him. With a little self-deprecation, Sarah’s tie-breaking line sent her over the edge. She may not have literally dropped the mic after that, but she might as well have as the judges agreed this burn sealed her victory.

TONY HINCHCLIFFE VS. K. TREVOR WILSON

Ah, nice work, K. Trevor Wilson. Calling Tony Hinchcliffe a pedophile? What a fun trick! How can any person roasted respond to that without looking creepier or defensive? The lack of recovery here was really the chink in Tony’s strange, strange armor.

EARL SKAKEL VS. JIMMY CARR

Jimmy Carr lost against Earl Skakel, but he still managed to throw some strong blows on the way down. After repeated punches at Earl’s privileged life and his lack of stand-up success, this joke may have been his best, taking aim at both subjects.

NIGHT 2

MATTHEW BROUSSARD VS. MIKE LAWRENCE

Matthew Broussard proved himself a master of wordplay with this number, teaching Mike Lawrence a crash course in the art of the burn. He lost the battle, but it was finely honed creep-shaming like this that made the whole thing a nailbiter.

OLIVIA GRACE VS. K. TREVOR WILSON

Young Olivia Grace put up a good fight against K. Trevor Wilson’s cavalcade of cruelty, but there was no coming back from this take on her sexual history. And we thought Canadians were supposed to be polite.

MARK NORMAND VS. TONY HINCHCLIFFE

Chlamydia: the sorest subject of them all. It’s one thing to call out someone’s encounters with STDs, but Tony Hinchcliffe added insult to injury when he tacked on a scathing critique of Mark Normand’s act. Maybe there’s an ointment he can get prescribed for the pain.

MS. PAT VS. RALPHIE MAY

The fat jokes were a-flyin’ when Ms. Pat clashed with Ralphie May, but perhaps none were as pointed as Ms. Pat’s takedown of Ralphie’s fitness failings. Ralphie bested her in the end, but Ms. Pat went down swinging.

NIGHT 1

SARAH TIANA VS. CHRIS CUBAS

Sarah Tiana triumphed in the end, but Chris Cubas temporarily turned the tide with his dig at Sarah’s Southern roots. Chris may rock the unkempt look, but this burn was just plain dirty.

EARL SKAKEL VS. TOM BALLARD

Another zinger from a match’s eventual loser, Tom Ballard’s potshot about Earl Skakel’s career was a masterful reversal from the young Australian. It was a joke that had it all: sex, degradation — OK, that’s it, actually, but what else do you need?

CHRISTI CHIELLO VS. JIMMY CARR

Dehumanizing your opponent is one thing, but British burn-slinger Jimmy Carr took it to the next level with this insult, essentially calling Christi Chiello a vagina fart. It’s hard to come back from something like that — which is probably why she didn’t.