Which Roast Battler Are You?

You may be a large Canadian man and not even know it.

Each Roast Battle contestant has their own way of approaching a match-up, whether it’s hitting an opponent with sharp jabs, rebutting every joke with a better one or just charming the crowd with pure pizzazz.

Take our quiz to find out which of the Roast Battle semi-finalists you are most like. You could be a Southern belle with the comebacks to match, a kindly Canadian who comes out swinging, a joke-writing pro with relentless delivery or an expert showman with gleaming confidence. The only thing you can’t be is a genuinely nice person.

1.
What joke would you make about an out-of-shape opponent?
A) “The roughest part of his divorce was getting the ring off his finger.”
B) “A p***y is literally the only thing on this planet you won’t eat.”
C) “Pick a size, bud. Either f**king lose weight or give up, but make a choice.”
D) “The next time you get a DUI, the tow truck’s gonna come for you.”

2.
If you wanted to make a quip about your rival’s career, what would you say?
A) “People are asking me tonight if I’m going to put ___ in her place. She’s a 38-year-old woman in comedy. There isn’t one.”
B) “I’ll never forget the first thing he said to me: “Can I clean your windshield for a dollar?'”
C) “___ is a Kennedy cousin, and in honor of his family, every time he climbs onstage, he dies a tragic death.”
D) This is my first paid gig in television, so I’ll just take my shirt off.

3.
It’s time to hit your adversary where it hurts: in the genitals. How would you slam their sex appeal?
A) “People look at you and think: date rapist who leaves every victim with an autographed headshot.”
B) “I love that you think you know what a pussy looks like.”
C) “You’ve had so many old comics in you, your pussy’s called the Friars Club.”
D) “You look like you worked at Hogwarts, which is what girls get when they f**k you.”

4.
Which one final burn would you chose to take it home?
A) “People think she’s a slut. She’s actually a real prude. She won’t even put out new material.”
B) “____ doesn’t have kids unless you count all the ones on his hard drive at home.”
C) “You look like you could write a great coffee table book on how to hide an erection at a child’s birthday party.”
D) “____’s favorite soda is ginger ale — not because he’s a redhead, but because he leaves every girl in Canada dry.”

If you answered mostly A’s, you’re Mike Lawrence! You’re an understated joke-writing machine who keeps the clever disses coming. Bonus: You end up winning all of Roast Battle. Congrats.

If you answered mostly B’s, you’re Sarah Tiana! You know how to craft a solid burn, but where you really shine is spitting out retorts that turn your opponents’ own jokes against them.

If you answered mostly C’s, you’re K. Trevor Wilson! You may seem like a Canadian with a heart of gold, but you know where to hit your rival to make it hurt the most.

If you answered mostly D’s, you’re Earl Skakel! You may not go quip for quip with your opponent, but you know how to dazzle and intimidate your competitor with nonstop, full-throttle showmanship.