Think you’re a hot mess? At least you can take comfort in knowing that your flaws probably pale in comparison to those of Tyrone Biggums, a lovable crack-addicted s**tshow whose every waking moment is an exercise in self-destruction.
TYRONE CONQUERS “FEAR FACTOR”
As an underdog contestant on “Fear Factor,” Tyrone proved that he could adapt to the most hostile of environments, from a worm-filled casket to a smoldering stretch of white-hot coals. We’re not sure if that’s admirable or horrifying, but it is…something.
HE CARES ABOUT THE CHILDREN
Can you say “marijuana,” kids? Sure, Tyrone’s no saint, but watch how he rises to the occasion when tasked with promoting drug awareness to America’s youth. Then again, he also defecates in front of them, so we’re going to call this one a wash.
HE’S AS (RED) BALLSY AS THEY COME
When an illicit swig of Red Balls energy drink endows Tyrone with superhuman powers, he finally has the skills he needs to make a difference in his community — or to, you know, get more money so he can spend it on crack.
TYRONE BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE
Like anyone else who has carved out a path as a dysfunctional miscreant, Tyrone is no stranger to an old-fashioned intervention. And he’s lucky enough to have screwed over tons of friends and neighbors who can’t wait to angrily confront him about his life choices. #blessed
If nothing else, this man’s exploits are a reminder that anyone can make a difference — in the worst possible way. You keep doing you, Tyrone Biggums — but preferably from a safe distance.