#HashtagWars - #GrittySeuss

Tuesday, March 1, 2016 03/01/2016 Views: 76

In honor of Dr. Seuss's birthday, Hayes MacArthur, Andree Vermeulen and David Koechner create twisted versions of the author's beloved classics. (1:43)

It's now timefor the HashtagWars.


I'm glad you're excited.This is a very special one.

If you feel a wumbusin your zummers tomorrow,

and your yuzz-a-ma-tuzzgets all rosy,

that's because Wednesdayis Dr. Seuss's birthday.

-(whooping)-I know! -VERMEULEN: Yay!

Well, you could haveshingles. Maybe.

Let's try the birthday thing.

Now, Dr. Seuss is knownfor his children's books,

but it's only a matter of timebefore Hollywood

starts turning theminto dark movie reboots.

Darker even than this!

That's horrifying!

No one should ever see thatin real life.

Which is why tonight's hashtagis GrittySeuss.

GrittySeuss.Examples might be:

The Lorax Murderer.

Or... Oh, the Places You'll Go to Get Your Weird Pornography.

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Koechner. -Rescued Cat in the Hat Was Put Down.


-Hayes MacArthur. -How the Grinch Stole the Pensions

-of 9/11 Widows. -Points.

-Drée. -One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Black Fish,

All the Whales Are Dying!

Points. David Koechner.

Where the Sidewalk Ends

and the Lawsuit Against Shel Silverstein begins.

Points. Excellent reference.

-Hayes. -Horton Hears His Father-In-Law

Refer to Them as 'Those People'

but Doesn't Do Anything, 'Cause What Can You do

-About Institutional Racism? -All right. Points.

Very gritty. Very gritty. Drée.

Hop on Pop, Then Call a Cop.

Yeah. Points.

-Hayes. -Oh, The Places You'll Go

If You'll Just Hop in My Van and Help Me Find My Puppy, Kid.

-Yeah. Points.-(laughter)

-Drée. -And the Grinch's Green Penis

Grew Three Sizes That Day.


-Koechner. -All the Things You'll Find

When You Fist His Behind.