#Hashtag Wars - #5WordConspiracies

Tuesday, January 19, 2016 01/19/2016 Views: 442

To welcome "The X-Files" back to television, Patton Oswalt, Shelby Fero and Blaine Capatch come up with five-word conspiracy theories. (1:53)

It's now time for tonight's#HashtagWars.

(cheers and applause)

I'm super excited

'cause now you goddamnmillennials'll get to see

what dad's all jacked up about.

The X-Files finally returnsto television this Sunday.

-(applause and cheering)-Nice!

-HARDWICK: Oh.-Bravo.

This show was so good,it inspired a whole generation

to believe bat (bleep)conspiracy theories.

You can thank Agent Fox Mulderfor every Twitter user

who broke a massive 9/11cover-up wide open, but

can't figure out how to changetheir picture from an egg.

-FERO: "Ask Obama?" -We're gonnacome up with some more

X-Files worthyconspiracy theories

with tonight's hashtag:#5WordConspiracies.


Examples might be MichaelJackson faked the moon walk.

Or Donald Trump is actuallyMexican. Hmm? Think about it.

-OSWALT: Hmm. -I'm gonna put 60seconds on the clock and begin.

Uh, Patton.

The Revenant bearis Bill Cosby.


Oh. And he's just wearinga big ol' Cosby sweater.

-It's a big ol' costume.-Yeah. Uh, Shelby.

Uh, 9/11 was inside Steve Jobs.

-All right, points.-Oh.


Jews control weatherand traffic.

All right, points.


I'm Hitler.Shh, don't tell.

All right, points.Patton.

Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews, Beyoncé.

Points. Blaine.

They faked the Knots Landing.

You know what,no points, Blaine.

-Wow. -No, no. No pointsfor a Knots Landing reference.

-Patton.-A five-word sentence

can actually containmore than five words

and in some cases 17.

All right.That is very well done, points.

Yes, Patton.

JFK was killed by Chipotle.