Monday marked the 21stanniversary of the acquittal
of notorious autograph thiefOrenthal Simpson,
who, as I'm sure you know,was found not guilty
of double murder,
because the jury was dazzled bya nursery rhyme about Isotoners.
Yes, on October 3, 1995,
riverboat saxophone playerJohnnie Cochran
delivered the closing statementthat decided
the trial of last century:"if it doesn't fit,
you must acquit."So, in honor of that iconic
turn of phrase,I'd like you to come up with
as many other nonsensicalrhyme-y things
that Johnnie Cochran also said,probably,
in 60 seconds, and begin.Bob.
If you feel like (bleep)take off your mitten.
If you go on a benderdon't download Tinder.
All right, points.Greg Proops.
If your car gets keyedgo smoke weed.
All right, points.Rich.
Buy a toilet with Grouponfor something to poop on.
-All right, points.-SAGET: Nice.
If you're eating an orange...Oh, (bleep) it.
'Cause nothing rhymes with that.
When I get a little brokeI just suck (bleep) for coke.
-Aga-Again.-All... Again, yeah, again.