Rapid Refresh - A Mom Jeans-Wearing Bitch & A Wicked Pissah

Tuesday, October 28, 2014 10/28/2014 Views: 306

Bobby Lee, Ari Shaffir and Doug Benson guess which Michael Jordan tweet got the most retweets, learn about Ebola-themed Halloween costumes and list slogans for a puppy cop. (3:38)

>> CHRIS: RIPPED FROM TODAY'SINTERNET HEADLINES, RAPID

REFRESH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

BIG DAY FOR THE N.B.A.

THE 2014 SEASON TIPPED OFFTONIGHT AND MICHAEL JORDAN

FINALLY GOT ON TWITTER -- SORTOF.

JORDAN COMMANDEERED THE OFFICIALACCOUNT OF THE TEAM HE OWNS, THE

CHARLOTTE HORNETS, USING THEHASHTAG #MJTTAKOVER, WHICH

QUICKLY BECAME THE TOP USTWITTER TREND.

AND OF COURSE, THIS BEING THEINTERNET, FANS WERE VERY

RESPECTFUL WITH THEIR#MJTAKEOVER QUESTIONS.

WHICH OF THESE GOT THE MOSTRETWEETS.

A, WHAT SONG WAS PLAYING HEREMICHAEL? #MJTAKEOVER

I'M GOING TO GUESS IT WAS BYTHE BAND TRAIN.

B, HOW MUCH MONEY YOU WON THISNIGHT, SIR?

OH!

♪ IT'S IN THE WAY THAT YOU USEIT ♪♪

( LAUGHTER )

C, WHY ARE YOU STILL MAKINGEVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, YOU MOM

JEANS-WEARING, BITCH. @HORNETS

WHICH ONE OF THOSE?

DOUG BENSON?

>> I THINK I'M GOING TO GO WITH"A" BECAUSE HE'S DANCING TO "I

BELIEVE I CAN BE FLY ♪♪

>> CHRIS: THE CORRECT ANSWER IS"A."

IN FACT -- GOOD JOB. ALL RIGHT.NEXT ONE.

EBOLA HAS BEEN THE TOP TRENDINGTOPIC ON EVERY FORM OF SOCIAL

MEDIA FOR WEEKS NOW, INSPIRINGMILLIONS OF TWEETS AND THOUSANDS

OF SNAPCHAT DICK PICS THATLOOKED LIKE THE VIUS.

(LAUGHTER)

THIS HAS INSPIRED HALLOWEENCOSTUME-SELLERS ACROSS THE

INTERNET TO SHILL INAPPROPRIATECOSTUMES.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWINGEBOLA-THEMED HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE?

"A," EBOLA-PROOF NINJA COSTUME?

"B," SEXY EBOLA CONTAIN AM SUIT?

"C" EBOLA OUTBREAK MASK.

WE WILL FIND HARRY POTTER, LORDVOLDEMORT!

DOUG BENSON?

>> I LIKE "A," BECAUSE HE LOOKSLIKE HE'S GOT ONE OF THOSE

HAPPY-SAD MASKS ON.

AND IT TAKES AWAY HIS BAD-ASSNINJANESS.

>> CHRIS: WELL, THAT WAS A GOODEXPLANATION BUT THE ACTUAL

ANSWER IS IN FACT, "B." THIS ISTHE MOST EXPENSIVE ONE.

I MEAN, LOOK AT THE QUALITY ONTHAT MASK.

THAT ACTUALLY MIGHT PROTECT YOU.FOR BONUS POINTS WHAT IS THE

PICKUP LINE YOU WOULD USE ONSOMEONE WEARING A SEXY EBOLA

COSTUME, BOBBY LEE.

>> WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU MY HEARTMELTED, BUT SO DID MY LUNGS.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> CHRIS: GOOD NEWS ON THE CUTEFRONT.

THERE'S NEW CUTE COOUT IN TOWNTHAT WILL MAKE YOUR OLD CUTE

LOOK LIKE SOMEONE VOMITED INGARBAGE.

SO MOVE OVER, LIL BUB!

SUCK IT, DOGE.

HIT THE BRICKS, JENNIFERLAWRENCE!

Y'ALL JUST GOT OUT-CUTED.

THAT SQUEE SOUND YOU HEARDCOLLECTIVELY TODAY WAS THE

ENTIRE COUNTRY LOOKING AT A CUTEPUPPY ON FACEBOOK.

HOW CUTE?

THIS CUTE!

AUDIENCE AWWING

>> CHRIS: HE'S TOO BIG TO FITTHE HARNESS!

THIS LITTLE FELLOW IS TUCO,NAMED AFTER TUCO SALAMONCA FROM

"BREAKING BAD," WHICH ISAWESOME.

( APPLAUSE )

HE'S GOING TO GROW UP TO BE AK-9 COP FOR THE BOSTON POLICE

DEPARTMENT WHICH IS APPROPRIATEBECAUSE THIS DOG IS WICKED

PISSA.

PLEASE GIVE ME THIS PUPPY COPSCATCHPHRASE, BOBBY LEE.

>> LET'S GO SHOOT SOME UNARMEDBLACK CATS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> CHRIS: ALL RIGHT. I GRANT YOUPOINTS.

DOUG.

>> PUT YOUR HANDS UP, BECAUSEI'M GOING TO LICK YOUR FACE!

>> CHRIS: OH, ADORABLE.

OKAY, POINTS, POINTS.

( APPLAUSE )