Rapid Refresh - Pot Ice Cream & A Facebooking Fugitive

Wednesday, March 4, 2015 03/04/2015 Views: 310

Esther Povitsky, Bryan Callen and Neal Brennan make up weed-infused flavors of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and then list crimes that a dimwitted Facebook user may have committed. (3:11)

RIPPED FROM THE INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPED REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE)

IN AN INTERVIEW WITH HUFFPO, ICECREAM MAGNATES BEN AND JERRY

SAID THEY WOULD CONSIDER MAKINGMARIJUANA-INFUSED ICE CREAM IF

MARIJUANA WAS, YOU KNOW,LEGAL IN ALL 50 STATES.

OH MY GOD.

THEN THEY LAUGH ANDDISAPPEARED IN A PUFF OF

GOLD DUST.

IF YOU CATCH US, YOU GET TOMAKE A WISH.

POT ICE CREAM? THAT WOULDJUST CREATE AN INFINITE LOOP.

LIKE YOU WOULD JUST, WOULDYOU NEVER STOP.

STONERS ACROSS THE COUNTRYJUST GOT THE PEE-SHIVERS AND

THEY DON'T KNOW WHY.

CAN YOU IMAGINE ICE CREAM ANDMARIJUANA SHARING A SPOON

LIKE GOD INTENDED?

TODAY IS THE DAY OF YOURCOMEDY DREAM OF THE WORLD'S

EASIEST SETTUP COME TRUE.

PLEASE GIVE ME A BEN &JERRIES WEED FLAVOR, ESTHER.

>> LONG ISLAND ICED-THC.

>> CHRIS: YES, PERFECT, POINTS.

MR. BRYAN CALLEN.

>> EITHER A SCHCOOP OFCOUCH-AND-POTATO OR FAT AND

JOBLESS.

>> CHRIS: OKAY, POINTS.

>> IN A WAFFLE CONE.

>> CHRIS: IN A WAFFLE CONE,YEAH.

NEAL BRENNAN.

>> FUNYONS AND CREAM.

>> CHRIS: YEAH.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU POINTSBUT I THINK YOU MIGHT BE

PREGNANT.

I THINK YOU MIGHT BEPREGNANT.

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE,FACEBOOK NOW HAS ANOTHER

PURPOSE BESIDES MONITORINGWHICH OF YOUR HIGH SCHOOL

CLASSMATES HAS THE MOSTUNATTRACTIVE CHILDREN.

THE SHERIFF'S-- YOU ALLINSTANTLY GOT AN IDEA OF WHO

THAT WAS.

THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT INBUTLER COUNTY OHIO RECENTLY

USED THEIR PAGE TO POST THISIMAGE OF A LOCAL FUGITIVE.

NOW THIS GUY, UNSURPRISINGLY,WAS WANTED FOR A VARIETY OF

VIOLENT CRIMES.

AND ODDLY ENOUGH SAFE-CRACKING.

WHICH I ASSUME HE DID BYJUST SLAMMING HIS GARGANTUAN

NECK INTO THE SAFE.

JUST WANT TO CRACK IT, IDON'T WANT TO GET IN IT.

THE CRAFTY CRIMINALREPORTEDLY COMMENTED ON THE

POST SAYING, "I AIN'T TRIPPING,HALF OF THEM DON'T EVEN KNOW

ME."

WELL, APPARENTLY SOMEONEKNEW HIM BECAUSE HE WAS

BROUGHT INTO CUSTODY WHICHLEAD HIM TO CHANGE HIS

PROFILE PICTURE TO THIS.

(APPLAUSE)

EXCUSE ME, SIR --

I AIN'T EVEN TRIPPING.

COMEDIANS BASED ON THEMUGSHOT, WHAT DO YOU THINK

HIS OTHER CRIMES WERE.

ESTHER.

>> STRETCHING OUT HISSWEATER COLLAR.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS,ABSOLUTELY.

I MEAN, THERE IS THE PROOF.

YOU CAN SEE IT HAPPENING.

BRYAN CALLEN.

>> ASSAULT WITH AN UGLYFACE.

BUT HE GOT IT KNOCKED DOWNTO IMPERSONATING A CRY BABY.

>> CHRIS: OKAY, POINTS.

NEAL BRENNAN.

>> POSSESSION OF A GIANTUNDERBITE.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

POINTS.

>> I'M KIND OF DEPRESSEDTHAT HIS SELFIES HAVE MORE

LIKES THAN MINE.

>> CHRIS: I KNOW.

I'M SO SORRY.

>> HE ALSO HAS AGGRAVATEDLENO FACE.

(LAUGHTER)