Happy Birthday, Harry Potter

July 31, 2017 - #ElderlyBands 07/31/2017 Views: 156

With Harry Potter now pushing middle age, Yassir Lester, Brian Posehn and Chris D'Elia dream up new spells for the aging "Boy Who Lived." (1:29)

Today-- guys,this is gonna upset you--

today is Harry Potter's37th birthday.

-(groans) I know.-Whoa!

So-so, break... 'Cause itjust makes everyone feel old.

But, hey, go aheadand break out the Butterbeer

or, if you'rea designated driver

or a teetotaler, like me,

then break out the I Can'tBelieve It's Not Butterbeer!

And because the endof The Deathly Hallows

is set in September 2017,

this is how Harryactually looks right now.

This is how they look.

It's sort of like that sad,late-30s guy you see

wandering the frozen foodsection at Trader Joe's.

That's what he looks like.

Just think about what his lifeis like right now.

He's a 37-year-old dropoutwho peaked in high school,

married his childhood sweetheartand is trying to raise a family

on the combined payof a government employee

and a newspaper reporter.

Voldemort couldn't kick his ass,but time definitely did.

He's just tryingto relive his...

Yeah.

So, with Harry Potterpushing middle age,

what is a spella 37-year-old wizard would use?

-Yassir.-An invisibility cloak

to help him avoidpaying child support.

-All right, points.-What's up? Where we at?

(laughter)

Chris D'Elia.

Viagracadabra.

Yes, points. Very nice.

Yeah.

(cheering and applause)

I mean... that's kind of cute.

The spell he would probably useis Petrificus Totalus,

but that's fine.

Brian Posehn.

Hold my wand.I had too much Patronus.

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