Rumors About Donald Trump's Ties to Russia

Tuesday, November 1, 2016 11/01/2016 Views: 386

Despite the FBI denying rumors of Donald Trump's connection to Putin, Dana Gould, Nate Mooney and Janet Varney share the dirt they've heard about their supposed kinship. (1:28)

And the Internet has beenteeming with fresh allegations

of tiesbetween the Russian government

and Ziploc bag full of pee,Donald Trump.

Rumors are swirling abouteverything from Russian servers

communicating with the TrumpOrganization to allegations

that the Kremlinis blackmailing him with

a secretly-recorded sex tapeof him in a Russian orgy.

-(audience groaning)-Yuck! Well, to be fair...

To be fair, he didn't knowit would be an orgy.

He was just having sexwith one Russian woman,

and then, there ended up beingfour other women inside of her,

-so it's not really...-(laughter)

-(cheers and applause)-Easy mistake.

Totally easy mistake.

But... butas deliciously scandalous

as these rumors sound,as of right now,

the FBI has foundno clear connection

between Trump and Russia.

The rumors have no hard proof,and it kind of feels like

a last-ditch effortto throw anything imaginable

at him to see what sticks.

Now, don't get me wrong.

He's stilla glowering hemorrhoid.

But all of this is distracting

from the stuff he actually doesand also the upcoming election.

So, comedians,since we're not verifying

our sources hereand throwing out wild things

that have no basis in anything,

what have you heard about DonaldTrump's connections to Russia?

-Janet. -Um, I heardthey have these totally crazy

slumber parties where Putin,like, braids his comb-over,

and then they, like, eat icecream right out of the carton!

-(screaming)-HARDWICK: Oh, my God,

they're the best of friends.Points. Points.

Dana Gould.

He loves Russia so muchthat once at The Comedy Store,

he offeredto Yack-off Smirnoff.

-HARDWICK: All right, points.-(laughter)

Very well played.

-VARNEY: Poor man.-Nate.

Putin gave him a tourof his submarine,

-and Trump said it's "huge."-HARDWICK: Yeah. Points.