Rapid Refresh - SantaCon Smackdown & Debauchery in Detroit

Monday, December 15, 2014 12/15/2014 Views: 170

Jessimae Peluso, Donnell Rawlings and Spike Feresten guess how a drunken SantaCon brawl started, learn about the canine afterlife and read an unexpected football headline. (4:15)

>> Chris: RIPPED FROM TODAY'SINTERNET HEADLINES IT'S "RAPID

REFRESH."

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: NOW, IF YOU EVERWONDERED HOW SANTA CAN VISIT

EVERY DRUNK TANK ACROSS THEWORLD IN A SINK WILL NIGHT LOOK

NO FURTHER THAN SANTA CON.

THIS IS A WORLDWIDE PUB-CRAWLWHERE SCORES OF GOOFY DRUNK

DOUCHEBAGS TAKE TO THE STREETSDRESSED LIKE KRIS KRINGLE

NOTHING WILL RUIN A CHRISTMASFOR A KID THAN SEEING A SANTA

BENT OVER A BURNING COP CAR --GETTING HIS SALAD TOSSED BY A

COKED UP ELF.

INSTAGRAM AND VINE WERE LITEREDWITH HOT SAINT NICK PICS FROM

THIS YEAR'S FESTIVITIES.

THERE WERE BLACK SANITY AS,BSDSM SANTAS MEXICAN WRESTLER

SANTAS LIKE SCOTCHO LIBRE, HERE.

AND! EVEN THE RECENTLY RAPTUREDSANTAS.

UH, VAPORIZED.

BY FAR OUR FAVORITE WAS PROBABLYTHIS JINGLE BRAWL.

THEY'RE TOO BUSY DECKING EACHOTHER TO DECK ANY HALLS.

HIT HIM! HIT HIM! YEAH.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: COMEDIANS, WHAT ARETHE SANITY AS BRAWLING ABOUT,

JESSIMAE.

>> THEY'RE FIGHTING ABOUT WHOTHE FIRST GUY MRS. CLAUS WENT

TO THE BACK DOOR OF THE GINGERBREAD HOUSE WITH.

>> Chris: YEP. THAT'S RIGHT.

[ APPLAUSE ]

SPIKE FERESTEN.

>> TWO WORDS, SACK ENVY.

>> Chris: YEAH, POINTS. THAT'SULTIMATETLY WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

NEXT ONE, A STORY WAS TRENDINGOVER THE WEEKEND ABOUT COMMENTS

THE POPE MADE ABOUT DOGS GETTINGINTO HEAVEN.

GOOD TO KNOW.

DID PATCHES GET A WING AFTER HEATE THE CHOCOLATE HE THOUGHT WAS

HIS OWN POOP OR DID HE HAVE TOTRICK HIS WAY TOO GET INTO

HEAVEN LIKE THIS DOG?

♪ I FEEL PRETTY SO PRETTY ♪ IFEEL PRETTY AND WITTY AND

BRIGHT! ♪ AND I PITTY ANYGIRL WHO ISN'T ME TONIGHT. ♪

>> Chris: OH.

OH, THAT'S SO HORRIFYING.

>> Chris: SO HORRIFYING.

AND I FEEL PRETTY SOUNDTRACK ISSO GROSS.

BUT COMEDIANS, WHAT PUNISHMENTSAWAIT THIS LECHEROUS BEAST IN

THE SULFUR PITS OF DOG HELL,SPIKE.

>> THAT DOG IS BEING SEPTEMBERTO THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF DOG

HELL, THE MICHAEL VICK CIRCLE.

RIGHT TO MICHAEL VICK.

>> Chris: WELL, WEEK 15 OF THENFL WRAPPED UP AND DEADSPIN.COM

IS KILLING IT WITH THEREPORTING.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS AREAL HEADLINE ABOUT YESTERDAY'S

LIONS-VIKINGS GAME ON DEADSPIN?

A, DETROIT MAYOR ARRESTED FORSELLING MIXTAPES IN PAKRING LOT.

B, MAN DRESSED AS ROBOCOP THROWSFECES AT VIKING FAN.

C, BUTTHOLE EATEN AT LIONSTAILGATE.

[LAUGHING]

>> Chris: YES, SPIKE.

>> WELL, I WANT IT TO BEBUTTHOLE EATEN AT LIONS

TAILGATE.

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S THEANSWER, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

>> Chris: WELL THEN YOU SIR, AREABOUT TO BE A HAPPY MAN.

BUTTHOLE EATEN AT LIONSTAILGATE.

>> YES, YES.

[LAUGHING]

>> GOOD GOD.

>> Chris: I MEAN JUST HELPING ABRO OUT HERE.

AT THE IRONICALLY NAMEDTAILGATE.

WE HAD TO PUT AN @MIDNIGHTSYMBOL OVER IT WHICH IRONICALLY

LOOKS LIKE A BUTTHOLE.

BUT, TO BE FAIR -- IT'S REALLY.I MEAN --

IT'S REALLY HARD TO TELL WHAT ISHAPPENING IN THIS PHOTO.

MAYBE THEY TOOK THE LIBERTIESWITH THE CAPTION, I DON'T KNOW.

COMEDIANS, PLEASE EXPLAIN WHATIS REALLY GOING ON HERE.

DONNELL.

>> I'M A DOCTOR.

ANYONE NEED MOUTH TO ASS RECESSSTATION?

>> Chris: THAT'S NOT HOW DO YOUIT.

MAYBE HE'S TRYING TO INFLATE THEGUY.

SPIKE.

>> IT'S CLEARLY PROVING THE OLDADAGE, GAS, GRASS, ASS, NOBODY

RIDES FOR FREE.

[LAUGHING]