It's time to play Realty Bites!Realty Bites!
Realty isa very competitive business,
and nothing gives you the edgeas a salesperson
quite like a snazzy headshotwhere you...
you look like you mayor may not be having a stroke.
So, comedians,I'm going to show you
a bad real estate agentheadshot, and for 250 points,
I want you to tell mewhat the slogan would be
on their bus stop bench ad.
First up, this chill bro.
I'll let you put your dickon any furniture you want.
-Kulap. -(Southern accent):Mustache rides,
-whether you want 'em or not.-All right. Points.
HARDWICK (Southern accent):This, uh...
Every... every roomhe shows, like,
"This would be a charming dento have a mustache ride in."
-Well, no? All right.-No? Okay, well, this garage
has plenty of roomfor mustache rides!
Not a pedophile since 1998.
HARDWICK:Aw, that's nice.
Next up, how aboutthe infamous Cummings Team!
-There they are! Here comethe... -(laughter, groans)
What are you upset about?You're upset about something.
What are you so upset about?
Something really upset you guysin that picture.
I think just their image.
(like a little girl):My daddy cuts my hair!
That's right,the Cummings Team--
and it's not funny!
-All right. Points.-(laughter)
Next up, this bewitching lady.
-VILAYSACK: Oh, man.-That is Claudia Dupre,
and you will obey!
(like the Wicked Witch):I'll sell your house,
and your little dog, too!(cackling laughter)
-Points. Points.-(applause, whooping)
So you're gonna... you'regonna sell my dog as well?
(like the Wicked Witch):Yes, uh, if somebody wants him.
-Or I'll take him. I'll eat him.-Okay, okay...
-Kulap. -I'll find you a houseyou can die in.
Look at me.
I sold this house nine timesin the last three months.
I think you may be the daughterthey stole from me.
You've got my eyes.
I have your father's eyesright here.
Next up, here's curious Christi.
Christi's a little curious.
Thank you for noticing.I appreciate that.
-It's a fixer upper.-Yeah.
Um, even if you're onlya tiny bit black
I'll be able to tell.
Also, nice dick.