Daily Grind - Words to Live By

Tuesday, October 7, 2014 10/07/2014 Views: 298

After hearing about a website full of nonsensical daily affirmations, Maria Bamford, James Adomian and Eddie Pepitone come up with more realistic assertions. (1:34)

AS WE GO TO OUR NEXT GAME,DAILY GRIND. DAILY GRIND.

GODDESS.COM A HAS A DAILYAFFIRMATION GENERATOR THAT GIVES

YOU WORDS WITH TO LIVE BY, LIKETODAY I PERMIT MY LIVING

GOODNESS, OR TODAY I ENHANCE MYDIVINE BEING.

BUT THAT SOUNDS CONFUSING ANDHARD.

SO COMEDIANS I WANT YOU TO COMEUP WITH SOME MORE DOABLE DAILY

AFFIRMATIONS. 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

YES, PEPITONE.

>> I HAVE ONLY ONE THING TO SAYTO YOU FEAR, YOU WIN!

>> Chris: POINTS.

BAMFORD.

>> I AM A STRONG JACKASS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

PEPITONE.

>> ALWAYS TAKE ANOTHER MAN'SBURDEN, UNLESS YOU HAVE PLANS

THAT EVENING.

>> Chris: POINTS.

MARIA.

>> I AM BRILLIANT, I AMBEAUTIFUL, AND I AM ON 750

MILIGRAMS OF DEPECO.

>> Chris: POINTS. POINTS.ADOMIAN.

>> I WILL LIMIT MYSELF TO ONECIGARETTE IN THE MORNING, ONE

AFTER LUNCH AND 18 MORECIGARETTES.

>> Chris: OKAY.

POINTS.

BAMFORD.

>> I AM KIND AND LOVING ANDGETTING EVERYTHING THAT I WANT

AT ALL COSTS.

>> Chris: POINTS. POINTS.

PEPITONE.

>> THE I HAVE ONE RULE, AND ONERULE ONLY, AND THAT RULE I HAVE

FORGOTTEN.

>> Chris: POINTS. JAMES.

>> TODAY IS THE DAY I SWITCH TOTOP SHELF TEQUILA.

>> Chris: POINTS.

PEPITONE.

>> REPEAT THIS MANTRA BEFORESURGERY.

I AM (BLEEP)ED.

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