Uh, bad news for that hugedemographic of devout Catholics
who also loved Gwyneth Paltrow's
quinoa smoothie,circle-jerk lifestyle blog Goop.
(laughter and groaning)
The Vaticanhas officially forbidden
gluten-free Communion wafers!No!
-WOMAN: No! No!-MAN: No!
No! This doesn't affect youin any way.
Jesus has gluten, you guys!He's got gluten!
This is puzzling...
Look at. That's just a pileof Jesus gluten right there.
This is puzzling sincethe Catholic church believes
that during Communion the breadand wine actually transform
into the body and bloodof Christ.
So what does it matterwhat you start with?
Maybe that girl in The Exorcist was just throwing up
'cause she had a gluten allergy.Ever think about that?
Maybe she could have donesomething about that back then.
-Poor Regan suffered.-(applause)
When asked why gluten-freewafers were banned,
the Vatican said"Low gluten is allowed,
"but there must beenough protein in the wheat
to make it without additives."
So, I guess the Vatican doesn'tknow what gluten is, either.
This will most certainlyalienate even more millennials
from going to church.
Comedians, what thingscan the Catholic church do
to be more appealingto millennials? Moshe Kasher.
-Be a different religion.-HARDWICK: All right. Points.
-(cheers and applause)-Points.
Uh, I've always noticed
that Jesus has, like,some killer abs,
so, I, uh...I just want them to,
you know,maybe do a CrossFit session.
-Points.-(applause and cheering)