Rapid Refresh - Next-Level Parenting & The Return of "The X-Files"

Tuesday, March 24, 2015 03/24/2015 Views: 278

Fortune Feimster, Ben Gleib and Moshe Kasher learn about a new car feature that monitors teen drivers and then list cameo roles for Chris to play in "The X-Files" reboot. (3:32)

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Chris: THE GRAPHIC IS STILLNEW.

IT'S STILL FRESH.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE CHEVYMALIBU COULDN'T GET ANYMORE RAD,

THEY INTER INTRODUCED FEATURESFOR 2016 THAT'S TAKING THINGS TO

THE NEXT LEVEL OF PARENTING.

THE FEATURE TEEN DRIVER LET'SPARENTS SPY ON THEIR TEENS

WHILE KEEPING THEM SAFE OBTSTREETS AND UNPOPULAR IN

THE SHEETS.

IT AUTOICALLY MUTES THE STEREOWHEN THE SEATBELTS AREN'T ON

TO GET THEIR GODDAMN RAPMUSIC DOWN.

IT ISSUES WARNINGS WHEN A TEENEXCEEDS THE PRESET SPEED AND

SENDS PARENTS A REPORT CARD LIKEA GODDAMN NARC.

COMEDIANS, WHAT'S A FEATUREYOUR PARENTS WOULD'VE WANTED

ON YOUR CAR WHEN YOU WERE ATEEN.

FORTUNE.

>> IT WOULD JUST HAVE A BUNCHOFPICTURES OF REALLY NICE GUYS

AND MY MOM WOULD BE SAYING, AREYOU SURE YOU'RE A LESBIAN?

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> I AM. I'M SURE.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: MOSHE.

>> MY DAD WOULD GET AN ALERTEVERY TIME A FINGER A CHICK IN

THE CAR SO HE'S KNOW WHEN TOHIGH FIVE ME.

>> I WOULD OF GOTTEN ZEROALERTS.

>> Chris: ZERO ALERTS. ZERO HIGHFIVES.

>> WELL, ME AND FORTUNE WOULDHAVE GOTTEN A WHOLE BUNCH.

>> Chris: A HUNDRED POINTS TOEVERYONE FOR THAT.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: TODAY ON THE INTERNET,ALL OF NERD-DOM CRIED OUT "THE

X-FILES" ARE COMING BACK!

YES!

I'M SO EXCITED.

THE 90s SCI-FI CLASSIC WILLRETURN TO FOX FOR SIX EPISODES

SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

NOT TO BRAG BUT YOU BASICALLHAVE ME TO THANK FOR THIS.

GILLIAN ANDERSON WAS ON THENERDIST PODCAST EARLEIR THIS

YEAR , WHERE SHE DREW THISCHARMING VAGINA IN OUR GUEST

BOOK.

>> YES.

>> Chris:THAT'S HER SIGNATURE,THIS IS THE VAGINA.

AND THIS THE HASHTAG WE STARTED,WHICH PROVES IT RIGHT HERE:

#XFiles2015.

THIS WAS JANUARY OF THIS YEAR.THEN WHAT HAPPENS?

A FEW MONTHS LATER, "X-FILES"IS COMING BACK. OH, INTERESTING.

VERY INTERESTING.

THE HASHTAG THAT I STARTED --I'M SURE THEY WERE WORKING ON

IT.

ALSO MY FRIEND KUMAIL NANJIANAHAS AN "X-FILES" PODCAST, SO I

THINK IT WAS A JOINT EFFORT.

AND BECUASE I I MAY OR MAY NOTHAVE CONTRIBUTED TO THE RETURN

OF "THE X-FILES," I THINK IDESERVE A CAMEO ON THE SHOW.

I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD BE ON THESHOW, CHRIS CARTER AND COMPANY.

COMEDIANS, THIS IS GOING TODEFINITELY HAPPEN, SO WHAT

SHOULD MY CHARACTER BE? FORTUNE.

>> CHRIS, YOU WOULD BE AGENTSMOLDER.

AN EVEN HOTTER VERSION OF DAVIDDUCOVNEY, IF THAT'S EVEN

POSSIBLE. BUT YOU'RE GORGEOUS,AM I RIGHT, LADIES.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

>> Chris: FIRST OF ALL I'M GOINGTO GIVE YOU POINTS.

SECOND OF ALL, WHEN YOU CONSIDERTHE POSSIBILITY, IS IT POSSIBLE

TO THINK WE'RE ALONE.

I DON'T THINK SO. WE'RE NOTALONE.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

BEN GLEIB?

[LAUGHING]

>> MOLDER AND SCULLY INVESTIGATECHRIS THE MAN WHO HAS NOT AGES

SINCE 1994 AND JENNY McCARTHYWHO HAS.

>> Chris: OH, [BLEEP]. I DIDN'T--

>> JUST A LITTLE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

BY THE WAY, I SHOULD'VE BEENMORE SPECIFIC WITH THE HASHTAG.

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS#HardwickOnXFiles2015.

MAKE IT HAPPEN!

PLEASE! I AM BEGGING YOU!