Checkmate, Cheesecake Factory

Thursday, February 16, 2017 02/16/2017 Views: 2,965

An emissary from the Cheesecake Factory signs Chris's treaty of surrender, forging a historic alliance with @midnight. (3:28)

All week long we've been ex...I-I don't know

if you guys have been followingthe drama on the show all week.

We've been extorting andharassing the Cheesecake Factory

into sending someonehere tonight

with cheesecakefor our audience.

And I got to say,I'm happy to announce,

the Cheesecake Factory does negotiate with terrorists!

(cheering, applause)

Please welcomethe Cheesecake Factory's

senior directorof public relations,

uh, that's notwhat we ordered, by the way,

but that is whatis to be expected

when dealing withthe Cheesecake Factory,

uh... Alethea Rowe.

(cheering, applause)


Thank you for being...Al... "Alathea"?

-Alethea.-No, I don't think that's right.

Uh... I am so sorry aboutall the security precautions.

You understand,uh, what's been going on here.

-Yup, yup.-But the big question is...

And I just want to make thisclear-- you really do work

-for the Cheesecake Factory.-I do.

And this was notany kind of promotion.

-You're not paying us anythingfor this. -Oh, God, no.

We... Okay, good.

Because... we reallyhave just been

-dumping on you guys all week.-Yes, you have.

So how did that play outin your meetings at work?

Well, there weresome choice words.

There were some,uh, some straws drawn,

and apparentlyI-I got the short straw.

-Yay, you! Oh, I'm so excited.-(cheering, applause)


So, the big question ishave you...

I can't believe this worked.

Have you broughtthe audience's cheesecake?

We're the Cheesecake Factory--I can't go anywhere

without cheesecake.Of course!

-Okay, fantastic! There'scheesecake over here! -♪

And, since I'm a man of my word,

boys, release the hostage.

This was the cheesecake

-we were holding all week,right there. -Oh, my God.

-Uh, it's somewhat edible,I imagine. -Oh!

Now, please...I would like you to please

raise your right handand repeat after me.

-Okay.-All right.

-I, Alethea Cheesecake...-I, Alethea Cheesecake...

Offer our full and completesurrender

to @midnight.

Offer our full and completesurrender to @midnight.

And that this treaty will behonored by Cheesecake Factory

and our CEO, David Overton...

And that this treaty will behonored by Cheesecake Factory

and the one and onlyDavid Overton.

Even though he looks likean Austrian muskrat.


-Okay, she's not gonna say that.-I missed that line.

-She's not gonna say that.You don't have to say that. -No.

But we all know it's true.Now, in order to...

You hand was up, that counts.Uh...

Now, in order to...

Look at that...(babbles)

Now, in order to endthis long and bloody war between

It's a great picture of him--it's exactly what he looks like.

In order to endthis long and bloody war

between our two sides,

I invite you over hereto sign this peace treaty,

which we have drawn upon official @midnight parchment.

-All right.-(cheering, applause)

-This is for you.-Thank you.

-Uh, I will go ahead and sign.-Okay.

-Maybe I'll let yousign first. -Okay.

And we pledge to youon this 16th day of February

in the year of our Lady Gaga2017,

that, beginning now, we,

the Internet dick jokegame show @midnight,

will never again make jokesat Cheesecake Factory's expense,

because they havemet our demands.

I shall sign.


And that is signed! We will hangthis on our stage for all time,

as a member of our alliance!

Thank you so much.

And in return,

we present to you this photoof our friendship,

-a simple token.-Oh, my God.

We insist that you likewise hangthis photo,

uh, on the wall of your factory.Here you go.

Alethea Cheesecake, everyone!