Tomorrow, the House will voteto repeal Obamacare,
so if you're thinkingabout getting
a life threatening illness
that could bankruptyou and your family,
today's the day!
Republicans need 216 votes
and only have a margin of errorof 21 votes,
which is much smaller than the3 million vote margin of error
they needed to win the election.
That is why Steve Bannonsent his assistant,
thrice-marriedAtlantic City casino magnate
and ex-Pizza Hut spokesmanDonald Trump,
to convince Republicansto take health insurance away
from millions of people.
Also to golfand, time permitting,
avoid his third wife.
Now, back in Mordor, D.C.,House Speaker
and sociopath Mickey Mouse Club member Paul Ryan
has been leading the effort
and enticing amendmentsto the new health bill
to attractmore Republican votes,
because the thoughtof kicking 14 million people
off their health insurance
just isn't doing itfor him anymore, you guys.
So, comedians,what amendments can they add
to the American Health Care Act
to make it more attractiveto Republicans?
Health care is free
to anyone who agreesto be a slave.
-Okay. All right.-(laughter)
I'll give you points for that.
-(bell dings)-Uh, Eugene.
Um, if you are a diagnosedwith an STD,
Paul Ryan pushes youout a window.
-All right. Points.-(laughter)
-(bell dings)-Greg Proops.
Uh, some young boysin an airport restroom?
-All right, points. Points.-(laughter)