Is This News? - Whimpering Bewildered Into the Void

Monday, February 29, 2016 02/29/2016 Views: 335

The comedians explain why ridiculous news stories are in fact worthy of media attention. (3:25)

And, uh... now it's timeto play Is This News?

Is This News?

There's this form of attentionpolicing on social media

where people get upset abouta news site publishing a story

they don't find newsworthy,and they handle their outrage

in the mostproductive way possible:

by whimpering,bewildered, into the void,

"How or why is this news?"

So I'm gonna show you a tweet ofsomeone crying out in the dark

about a story they have deemedunfit for publication,

and for 250 points I want youto explain to them

why it is in fact newsworthy.First up,

"A water main breakis the lead story on the news.

One person is without water."

@AmericasBarbie asks,"Why is this news?"

-Ron Funches.-Uh, because it was Ariel

from The Little Mermaid.

Oh! Yeah, that'sreally important.

That's really important.


Uh, because that person is Jesus

and he has a wine tastingthis afternoon.

Yes, points.

Wait a minute...Oh, I'm a little...

I'm sorry, I didn't...

You have to bring your own wineto the wine tasting?

-Yeah. -Okay.

He's a giver, all right? He doesn't want to take.

Hey, guys, I broughtmy own wine. Oh, Jesus,

-you're the best.-I am.

Oh, great.Next up,

"Jeremy Corbynwon't name his cat

and insteadsimply calls it 'the cat'."

@SuneiaO_o says,"Why is this news?" Ron.

Uh, because that's a dog, Chris.

Points.Mike Yard.

Uh, because he named his son Sonand his daughter Lady Son.

Yeah, points.Points.

Easy to remember.

Next up, "Kylie Jenner is down

to get hit in the facewith a hot dog."

-@emmaenders asks,"Why is this news? -(man whoops)

Don't "woo" that.

I know why you're "woo"ing that,and that's not okay.

I brought a hot dog...Put the hot dog away!


Why is this news?It... Because it means

she reads my letters, Chris.

Yes, points.Points.



Uh, because she has to findsomething to do

that her sistershaven't already done.

Yeah, points.


Next, you guys,uh, there's a cat

who looks like Adam Driverthat got adopted. Uh...

-YARD: That's so weird.-Yeah, dude.

That's so crazy.


That's amazing.

I... I don't even know why wehave to answer why this is news.

That's (bleep)...

YARD:It's totally news.

Why is this news, Ron Funches?

Uh, because that catkilled Han Solo.

All right, points.Points.

Finally, Mexicandrug lord El Chapo

had 'testicle implantfor erectile dysfunction'

while on the run.

@ogoeric asks,while laughing and crying,

"this is news because?"Jordan.

Well, because I thoughtI was donating my testicle

to a ball-less orphan.


It hurts so much to see itin front of me like that.

Uh, points. Mike.

Because Mexican doctorsare so skilled

that they can perform surgerywhile the patient

-is still running.-Yeah, points.