#HashtagWars - #NewSpaceFacts

Monday, October 5, 2015 10/05/2015 Views: 209

To celebrate astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson's birthday, Ken Jeong, Suzy Nakamura and Dave Foley invent dubious facts about the cosmos. (2:36)

IT'S NOW TIME FOR

THE HASHTAG WARS.

I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENTAND WISH A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

TO ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITEPEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, MY

ETERNAL MAN CRUSH, THE GREATNEIL DEGRASSE TYSON!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: NEIL SPENT HIS

BIRTHDAY WEEKEND DOING WHAT HELOVES MOST, OF COURSE: GOING ON

TWITTER TO POINT OUT MISTAKESIN "THE MARTIAN".

>> Chris: NEIL DID THE SAMETHING WITH "GRAVITY" AND

"INTERSTELLAR," OF COURSE,BUT DON'T YOU [BLEEP]IN' TOUCH

"LAST STARFIGHTER," NEILDEGRASSE TYSON.

THAT ONE'S MINE.

ANYWAY, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BEFUN TO GIVE HIM THE ULTIMATE

BIRTHDAY PRESENT: MORE BULLSHITSCIENCE TO CORRECT. THAT'S WHY

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS#NEWSPACEFACTS.

#NEWSPACEFACTS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]EXAMPLES MIGHT BE: OXYGEN IS

REALLY BAD FOR YOU.

OR ALIENS ARE NEITHER GAY NORSTRAIGHT, THEY ARE GLOBOSEXUAL.

I AM GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK AND BEGIN.

>> OH, OH.>> Chris: DAVE, YES.

IN 4 BILLION YEARS, THE SUN WILLEXPLODE SO [BLEEP] THIS

PARKING TICKET.

>> YES.

POINTS.

DEFINITE SPACE FACT.

>> MILKY WAY CANDY BARS ONLYCONTAIN .01% ACTUAL MILKY WAY.

>> THEY'VE LOCATED THE WOOKIEPLANET AND THOSE HAIRY HUNKS ARE

READY TO (BLEEP).

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> DAVID FOLEY.

>> PLUTO HAS DOWNGRADED NEILDEGRASSE TYSON TO A DENTIST.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TALK ABOUT -- THAT'S FAIR.

THAT'S FAIR.

SUZY.

>> THE SUN CAN FIT 1.3 MILLIONEARTHS INSIDE OF IT AND SO CAN

YOUR MOM.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KEN JEONG.

>> IF YOU LOOK BELOW ORION'SBELT YOU WILL SEE ORION'S DICK

CAUGHT IN ORION'S ZIPPER.

>> Chris: THAT IS TRUE.

THAT IS JUST AN OBSERVABLE FACT.

SUZY.

>> SCIENTISTS THEORIZE THERE ISA PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE

FOLEY ACTUALLY GETS LAID.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

>> WOW, WOW.

>> I HOPE THE PARALLEL SUZYNAKAMURA ENJOYS IT.