Now, in the past, all of theInternet was not, uh, just porn.
Some parts out therecontained cats.
But recently, there's beena fluffy little uprising,
and dogs have taken overthe Web.
So, since we're allabout the Internet,
we are dedicatingthe entire show
to the only friendsthat we will willingly
-watch lick their own balls.-(laughter)
And if you need proof thatcanines are now top dog online,
according to NPR,the Internet has an entirely
new language,specifically about dogs,
with words like "pupper,""floof," and "mlem."
-(laughter)-And also, "anti-social
"nut job who claimsto be a dog person,
but is really just a weirdo."
-(laughter) -Uh... God,so (bleep) cute. Goddamn it.
-Oh! Oh, my God!-You see what's happening there.
-He's giving him a blow job!-He's going down on him!
HARDWICK:Oh, they're 69ing!
-Right here! -He's 69!-HARDWICK: They're puppy 69ing.
-KIRBY HOWELL BAPTISTE: No!-HARDWICK: Get it! Get it!
-BAPTISTE: Yes!-HARDWICK: That is the most
-adorable blow job you will eversee in your life. -(laughter)
All right. Now that dogs arethe alpha of the Internet,
how are they going to celebrate?
-(laughter)-That's real good.
celebrate the same wayI celebrate-- by pissing myself.
-HARDWICK: All right, points.-(laughter)
-Uh, Lucas.-By Dober-man-splaning
-the way it is to thesecucker spaniels. -(laughter)
-HARDWICK: Yes. Very goodwordplay. Points. -(applause)
-Barry.-They're gonna celebrate, like,
with that seenfrom Risky Business,
but sliding inon their assholes.