The Adventures of Mike Pence

Monday, March 27, 2017 03/27/2017 Views: 282

After discovering Mike Pence's close resemblance to "Jonny Quest" character Race Bannon, Moshe Kasher, Mamrie Hart and Ron Funches answer questions about his adventurous life. (4:13)

It's very easyto blame Donald Trump

for everything terriblein the world,

but that's just ridiculous.

There's also Mike Pence.

And it turns out the G.I. Joedoll left out in the sun

who is our vice presidenthas a secret identity:

Jonny Quest's bodyguard,Race Bannon.

There he is.

It's same (bleep) guy.

-That's him.-Whoa.

Maybe a little more likeMaster Race Bannon. Uh...

The Internet has noticedPence's resemblance

to the '60s cartoon star,

and they're using screenshotsof old Jonny Quest episodes

to show Pence's secret,adventurous life.

Like this one:

"Mike Pence luring some gays out

for some electroshockreprogramming."


The only... The only thingI can think of here

is "Does the carpetmatch the drapes?"

That's what I'm very curiousabout.

And the answeris it probably does,

but you got toroll that carpet up every time.

-So, comedians...-(laughter)

Hey, balls do not get prettywhen they age. Uh...

I mean, like they're really hot

-when they're younger.-HART: Yeah, pristine.

HARDWICK:Yeah, I know.

Also, what kind of researchhave you been doing, Chris?

Well...You know, I want the show

-to be authentic and anchored.-They get old. These are old.

These are old balls.

Comedians,we're going to show you a photo

from Mike Pence'scartoon adventures,

and for 250 points, I want youto answer a question about it.

-Okay.-First up,

Mike Pence's approachto Asian relations.


Comedians, what martial art

is Mike Pencea black belt in? Ron.

-Fat shaming.-Points.


-Krav MAGA. -All right.

-Oh, nice. I like it.-Make America Great Again.

-Oh, nice. Very good. Yeah.-It's not funny, but it's smart.

-And that's what I do. -I'mgonna give you points for that.

-(cheers and applause)-Yeah.

Next one. Next one.

Why is...Why is Pence helping this guy?

What are they doing? Ron.

Um, that's actually how you feedDonald Trump's fish tank.

-Oh, great. That's funny.-(cheers and applause)

-Uh, Moshe.-He's not helping him.

He's restraining him so he can'tjerk off to gay porn.

-All right, points.-(laughter)


I don't need my arms.I can (bleep) with my mind.

-Ah, gob-gob-gob-gob.-(laughter)

Next up. Next up.

What's Pence gunning down?

What's he gunning down there,Ron?

-Democracy.-Oh, points. Very good.

(cheers and applause)

Just so gingerly firingthat tiny assault rifle.

-Uh, Mamrie.-Anyone who calls him flaming.

-Yes, points. Moshe.-(laughter)

-The cast of Hamilton. -(laughter)


Next up, this one.

What does this machine do?

-Moshe. -Oh, it sends a shockto his balls

to remind himnot to (bleep) those two boys.

-All right, points.-(laughter, applause)

But again,just keeping this in mind,

his balls are in the next room.

-Mamrie.-Uh, that's a generator

-in case Melania's batteriesrun out?

-(laughter, cheers)-Yeah.

Next one. Next one.

Uh, how is Pencegonna smoke this weed? Mamrie.

He's probably gonnapuff, puff, pass out,

-'cause he's a little bitch.-All right, points.

-(cheers and applause)-Points. Ron.

He's actually going to plant iton a black youth.

(laughter, applause)

Ron meant that not racism way,but in, like, a positive way.

Like, Mike Pence's like,"Hello, young brother.

-Here's a fern."-Yeah.

For the environment.

Last up, what horrorsare haunting Mike Pence?


The terrifying thought thatmaybe it is Adam and Steve.

Ah, points. Very good.

By the way, the doghas an incredible view of, uh...

-It just looks like...-And an incredible smell.

Yeah, he's just gonna go...He just looks like

he's about to goright in there. Mamrie.

Um, he accidentallywatched a DVD of Moonlight

-instead of Moonlighting. -All right, points.

-Ron. -His favorite show.Read some articles.

Yeah, that's good.

Read some articles. Uh...

He's haunted by his conscience.

He knows what he's doing.

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