Stitch Opening Lines - You Crazy Cotton-Munchers

Wednesday, May 21, 2014 05/21/2014 Views: 1,747

A dating app for seniors launched in Australia, so Matt Jones, Whitney Cummings and Moshe Kasher write opening lines for elderly singles. (2:08)

STITCH OPENING LINES

>> Chris: NOW, IF YOU ARE ASINGLE YOUNG PERSON WITH A

CAVALIER ATTITUDE TOWARDSHOOKING UP, CHANCES YOU ARE ON

TINDER.

WELL, GOOD NEWS FOR THE SILVERFOXES, YOU CRAZY COTTON

MUNCHERS, NOW AN AUSTRALIANCOMPANY HAS LAUNCHED, THINK FOR

A SECOND WHAT THAT MIGHT BE.

AN AUSTRALIAN COMPANY LAUNCHEDSTITCH, A TINDER CLONE FOR

SENIORS.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?

I WANT YOU GUYS TO GIVE THEOPENING LINES THAT ARE SURE TO

GET YOU LAID ON STITCH FROM ANOLDER PERSON.

60-SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GO.

>> YES, MOSHE.

>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT GETTING MEPREGNANT I HAVEN'T MENSTRUATED

SINCE THE NIXON ADMINISTRATION.

>> Chris: POINTS.

MY HUSBAND IS DEAD AND SO IS MYGAG REFLEX.

>> Chris: POINTS.

MATT JONES.

>> UH, MY STANDARDS ARE LOWERTHAN MY TITS.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

>> YOU MAKE ME SO WET I WILLHAVE TO CHANGE MY DIAPER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

MOSHE.

>> ARE YOUR ARMS TIRED BECAUSEYOU HAVE BEEN SLOWLY DRAGGING

YOUR WALKER THROUGH MY MIND ALLDAY.

>> Chris: POINTS. GOD DAMNIT.

MOSHE AGAIN.

>> I HAVE FALLEN AND I DON'TWANT TO GET UP.

>> Chris: POINTS.

MATT.

>> I HAVE ALZHEIMER'S DISEASEBUT DON'T WORRY I HAVE

ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE.

>> Chris: YES.

>> DON'T WORRY.

>> Chris: WHITNEY.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL DO TOYOU? BECAUSE I FORGOT.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WHITNEY CUMMINGS.

>> YOU MAKE MY HEART GO BEEEEEP.

>> Chris: POINTS TO WHITNEYCUMMINGS.

MOSHE.

>> I HAVE BEEN SUCKING DICKSINCE IT WAS ILLEGAL IN 20 OF

THE 48 STATES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> WHITNEY.

>> PUT A CONDOM ON YOU AREGOING TO CATCH A COLD.

>> POINTS.