A Normal Day in Russia

Tuesday, March 28, 2017 03/28/2017 Views: 154

Jesse Joyce, Megan Neuringer and Doug Benson draw their own conclusions about daily life in Russia based on a series of bizarre photos. (3:19)

If current eventsare any indication,

America will soon change itsname to Russia's Little Buddy.

-(laughter)-To better...

(chuckles):To better understand...

Oh, man.

BENSON:I think they gave Donald

a better bodythan he really has.

(laughter)

To better understandour future masters,

we turnto the truly essential subreddit

"A Normal Day in Russia,"

where we're shownthe bear-poop crazy images

that make upa standard Russian existence.

So, I'm going to show youone of said images,

and, for 250 points, just answera simple question about it.

Very easy. First up,

Christmas comes earlywith this Russian Santa.

Jesse.

Santa is often describedas a "right jolly old elf."

How would you describethis Santa?

As a Witness Protection ProgramTommy Lee Jones.

-Ah, points. Very good.-(laughter, applause)

Very good.

What in the (bleep) is this?

What the...

Megan.

I would describe himas the defendant.

-All right, points. Yeah.-(laughter, applause)

Very good.Next, a typical Russian pet.

Here's a typical Russian petthere.

-Now, if this cat...-(laughter)

If this cat could talk,what would he say? Jesse.

(Russian accent): I amextremely malnourished bear.

-All right, points.-(laughter)

Very good.

Doug Benson.

(Russian accent):Donald, grab this.

-(laughter)-Points.

Very good. Megan.

(Russian accent):I've been dead for three weeks.

-Yes, points. Very good.-(laughter)

Next one.

Uh, this is what looks to bea field trip of some sort.

Not really sure...

I don't know whatever those kidsdid to deserve getting arrested,

but I'm sure it was serious.What did they...

What did these kids learnin this class? Megan.

How to be a Russian journalist.

-Ah, points. Very good.-(laughter, applause)

Very good.

Doug.

They learnedthat it's not an ice cream truck

if there's no musicor ice cream.

-Okay, yeah. Points. Very good.-(laughter, applause)

Very good.

It's just, (Russian accent):"I scream, you scream."

That's it. "We all scream."

-BENSON: "We all scream allthe time." -"All of the time."

(normal voice):Next up, this youngster.

Comedians, what's he gonna bewhen he grows up?

Jesse.

When he grows up, he's gonna bea guy in a wheelchair

who teaches kidsabout gun safety.

-Points.-(laughter)

(applause)

Finally, here's a touching photo

with the caption,"Like father, like son."

So, I'd like to draw your eye

to the brass knucklesthe dad is wearing here.

I'm sure this kid'sgonna turn out great.

Comedians, I want youto give me some fatherly advice

from this Russian dad. Jesse.

(Russian accent):Now that we're standing up

as straight as we can,we can tell the world

that in this house, we don'tget vaccinated for polio.

-All right, points.-(laughter, applause)

Points.

Megan.

When you inherit my Uber,

be sure to make conversationwith the riders.

All right, points.

Dougl... Doug Benson.

Look at my hairline, son.

It's never too earlyto wear a hat.

Points. Points.

Very good.

All Shows

#
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z