George W. Bush's Lost Emails

Tuesday, September 13, 2016 09/13/2016 Views: 270

George W. Bush may have lost millions of emails, but Moshe Kasher, Aisling Bea and Chris D'Elia manage to salvage a few. (1:51)

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IN THE MIDSTOF THE UNENDING E-MAIL SCANDAL

BESIEGING THE CAMPAIGN

OF ILL-EANOR ROOSEVELTHILLARY CLINTON,

UH, NE-NEWSWEEK IS REPORTING THIS WEEK

THAT THE ADMINISTRATIONOF FORMER PRESIDENT

AND BEST-CASE SCENARIOFORREST GUMP GEORGE W. BUSH

LOST 22 MILLION E-MAILS.AND MOST OF THEM

WERE HIM REPLYINGTO PENIS ENLARGEMENT SPAM.

(IMITATES BUSH):"DOCTORS HATE 'EM?

THIS SUMBITCH HAS GOT TO WORK."

UH, LIKE HILLARY, BUSH'S E-MAILSWERE STORED ON A PRIVATE SERVER.

UNLIKE HILLARY, HIS E-MAILS WEREWRITTEN IN 48-POINT COMIC SANS

AND ENDED WITH THE SIGNATURE"GIT-R-DONE."

SO, COMEDIANS, I WOULD LIKE YOUTO COME UP WITH

AS MANY DELETED GEORGE W. BUSHE-MAILS AS POSSIBLE

IN 60 SECONDS.AND BEGIN. AISLING.

UH, TODICKCHENEY@WHITEHOUSE.GOV.

SUBJECT: HA-HA,YOUR NAME MEANS WIENER.

POINTS. UH, MOSHE.

DEAR THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE,MY NAME'S GEORGE,

-AND I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN.-POINTS.

CHRIS D'ELIA.

UH, JUST WATCHED WEST WING.

I WONDER IF IT'S REALLYLIKE THAT IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

POINTS. MOSHE.

DEAR CHRIS HARDWICK,JUST WATCHED @MIDNIGHT.

THERE WAS A BUNCH OF,UH, COMMERCIALS FOR COCAINE.

-WERE THOSE REAL?-UH, POINTS. -D'ELIA: AH!

-VERY GOOD. VERY WELL DONE.D'ELIA. -I'D LIKE A REFUND.

THIS CORNER TABLE DOESN'T FITANYWHERE IN THIS OVAL OFFICE.

POINTS. MOSHE.

SUBJECT: RE: DOING 9/11.

-ALL RIGHT, POINTS.-(LAUGHTER, GROANING)

POINTS. D'ELIA.

JEB, THREE WORDS:

GUACAMOLE BOWL.

POINTS. AISLING.

JEB, ME AGAIN.

I THINK I LEFT MY FAVORITE HATIN THE WHITE HOUSE.

CAN YOU RUN FOR PRESIDENTSO I CAN TRY AND GET IT BACK?

-ALL RIGHT... (LAUGHING)-THAT'S THE BEST ONE.

THAT'S THE BEST ONE.

POINTS TO AISLING BEA.