The Symptoms - That's Not Curable

Tuesday, January 19, 2016 01/19/2016 Views: 170

Using Google's symptom checker, Patton Oswalt, Shelby Fero and Blaine Capatch arrive at diagnoses for disease-stricken patients. (2:41)

It is time to playThe Symptoms. The Symptoms.

-CHORUS: ♪ The Symptoms -WOMAN: (coughs)

-Yeah.-Very nice.

Who needs a doctor to tell youthat a zit on your back

is cancer when Googlewill do that for you?

Just type in your symptomsand good old Goog

will provide a soothingwatercolor

of rare, exotic diseasesthat you wish you had,

but probably don't have.You're probably okay.

So comedians, I'm gonna show youa Google illustration

of some sick sickiesand their symptoms

and for 250 points I want youto tell me what they have.

All right, first up, this one...

looks a little swollen.I don't know what that is.

What is that?Uh, Shelby.

Oh, she used to beso cute syndrome.


Points. Blaine.

Well, obviously, Chris, thisyoung girl filled up on glands.

-All right, points.-I'm... Chris, Chris,

I'm-I'm kidding, I'm kidding.Uh, this child

-has terminal mom haircut.-All right, points.


-Terminal?-She does.

Uh, Patton.

Chipotle cheek.

All right, points to Patton.

Next one, this one...

Well, this looks fun.Patton.

Cancer of the snuggles.

-Oh...-It's incurable.

He's got a little cancerto snuggle!

If your snugglelasts more than four hours...

-That is... Oh, you...-Points. Shelby.

Aw, he's got a bad case of thefirst ten minutes of Up, Chris.

-Yeah, all right, points.OSWALT: Oh...

-No, you don't.-Yes!

-And she does.-All right, next one.

Next one.This one looks uncomfortable.

Uh, Patton.

Early onset Ted Cruz.

That's not curable.I don't think that's curable.

-It's really... Poor kid.-Yeah, you're right.

You're right.It-it spreads easily.

-It, uh, really does.-Yeah.

At least that'swhat your mother said.


Oh, snap!


My mom will totally (bleep) youby the way. I don't know if...

-Oh, okay.-All right.

Well then, good-bye. I...

(whooping, applause)

The... Sorry, the joke was

that I left to (bleep) your mom.

No, the joke wasthat you did it that fast.

-Oh... Mm...-Oh.


Well, Chris, I don't knowabout these kids,

but it looks like their fatherhas explosive diarrhea.

FERO:He's just smiling through it.

I'm kidding, Chris.

They have leukemia.