Martial Sharts - For Your Cringing Pleasure

Monday, February 1, 2016 02/01/2016 Views: 682

Alanna Ubach, Phoebe Robinson and Jonathan Kite explain what's happening in videos of karate demonstrations gone wrong. (3:52)

And now it's time to playMartial Sharts.

Martial Sharts.

Of all the classic videos,

there's one that stillhas the same impact that it did

in the days of dial-up,and here it is.

(bleep)

Mmm.

It has really agedlike a fine wine.

Let's not forgetthat YouTube is crammed

with awful martial arts videosfor your cringing pleasure.

I'm gonna show you a karatevideo gone wrong

and for 250 points you're gonnahave to answer a question

about it, all right?First up, there's this video,

filmed at a Canadiankaraoke shack around 1999.

♪ Rock your body right

♪ Oh, my God, we're back again

I mean...

ROBINSON:What the...

Every (bleep) piece of thisis amazing.

Every element of it.

So, I...So you've heard of, like,

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, right?

What is thisfighting style called?

Phoebe.

Rapid pussy drying.

-Aah!-It's not... it's not...

-HARDWICK: I mean...-Done.

-I'm dry.-Yeah.

Oh, I'm dry.

Uh, Jonathan Kite.

Crouching virgin, hidden girdle.

All right, points.Points.

Alanna.

The, uh, only known footageof the Zodiac killer.

-Yes, points, there he is.-ROBINSON: Yeah.

He loves a little...

Backstreet.

All right, next one.

The ingeniously-named"Karate Rap".

♪ I don't mean to brag,I don't mean to boast ♪

♪ But I've trained karatefrom coast to coast ♪

WOMAN:♪ Karate

♪ Train your body

♪ I train for fun

♪ I'm a shogun

What is this guy'ssecret finishing move?

Jonathan.

Finishing off a guyin the bathroom.

-Yeah, that's right, points.-ROBINSON: Oh, yeah.

-It's...-HARDWICK: Yeah?

It's calledthe mortal (bleep) bat.

Yeah, poi... Perfect. Perfect.

Next one...

this pacifist sensei for kids.

♪ We let the bad go by

♪ And find we're free to fly

♪ Just walk away, run away,step away, get away ♪

♪ Any way that lets yoube well on your way ♪

Oh...

oh, he's gonna (bleep) you.

Yeah.

He will.

But before he does,

how do you earn your black beltfrom this guy? Phoebe.

If you promise not to callchild protective services.

-Oh, yeah, yeah.-Points. Points. Points.

Jonathan Kite.

Aiding this warriorin his greatest battle:

-the custody battle.-HARDWICK: Yeah.

Hey, those are my kids too.

All right, points.

Finally, behold the the kung fu

and drumming skillsof Dragon Todd.

(grunting)

That poor cat.

What's the name of dragon--

not meaning pussy,in this case--

Uh...

What is the name of DragonTodd's dojo?

Phoebe.

Tae Kwon Don't Leave Me,Helen, Please!

-UBACH: Yeah! -Yeah, points.-I can change!

-UBACH: Oh, that's awesome.-I'm sick of your (bleep), Todd.

I told you if you didyour martial arts

and scared the cat againI was (bleep) off,

so I'm leaving, Todd.