Uh... hey, guess what, uh,
a lot of people troll me onlineand I don't give a (bleep),
'cause (bleep) you,I caught a Pikachu today
and I'm super excited about it.
Pika... (bleep) ...chu.
That's a 265 CP-- I'm gonnapower the (bleep) up
with this (bleep).
I'm so excited.
Uh... Pokémon Go is the hot new craze
that forces indoor kidsoutdoors.
I got sunburnedfor the first time ever
catching a Squirtle last week.
The only problemis the GPS-enabled game
can lead youto some pretty (bleep) locations
that you'd normally liketo avoid, like church.
Now, not long ago...
Is that real?
(cheering and applause)
Not long ago,Christians were claiming Pokémon
to be the work of the devil.
Now they're using itto lure kids into church.
How could thispossibly go wrong?
Comedians, I'm gonna show yousome shady locales,
and I would like you to namea Pokémon you'd find there.
First up, this completelyreputable business, Ramon.
Uh, next up,at this farmers' market. Dan.
Sports ball arena, April.
what about insidethis Olive Garden, Dan?
"When you're here,you're family,
because you don't havea real one"-achu.