Christmas Light Pissing Contest

Monday, December 12, 2016 12/12/2016 Views: 261

Reggie Watts, James Adomian and Morgan Murphy investigate festive light displays that completely miss the mark. (3:35)

Every December, neighborsall over the country

have their yearly Christmaslight pissing contest,

outdo each other.

Which is just what you wantaround a bunch of power strips.

And there are photosof these retina-burning,

holiday hellholesall over the web.

So I'm gonna show you some badChristmas lights

and for 250 points,

just answer a few questionsabout them.

Very simple. No big deal,just a few questions.

Are you nervous?You seem nervous.

Why are you so nervous?You shouldn't be so nervous.

I'm not accusing youof anything.

Anyway, let's get started.

But you do seema little nervous.

All right, let's startwith the lights

that kind of remind meof something,

but I can't quite...picture it.

(laughter)

I just...

Reggie.

What is going on here?

If-if-if you build it,it will come.

HARDWICK:Yeah, points. Very good.

-Very good.-(cheers and applause)

That's cute.

It's from, uh, field of creams.

Uh, James Adomian.

Clearly the happiest endingof the year.

HARDWICK:Yes, points. Very good.

Morgan.

He's celebratingthat special time of year

when your dick gets infected.

-HARDWICK: Oh, points.-ADOMIAN: Ah.

HARDWICK:Oh, boy.

I am appalled.

Here we are doing a familyChristmas show,

and you-- all you guyssaw were pe--

This is clearly Sideshow Bob.

I can't believe how filthyall of you are.

You had to take it downinto the pants.

Next, here comes Santa Claus.

And before we start this one,

keep your eye on the angel,all right?

(laughter)

(cheering and applause)

What's a Christmas carol youmight sing about this tableau?

James Adomian.

The little hummer boy.

HARDWICK:Yes, points.

♪ I blew his horn for him

♪ A-rump-a-pum-pum

♪ Please don't neglectthe balls ♪

-♪ A-rump-a-pum-pum -ADOMIAN: ♪ A-rump-a-pum-pum

♪ A-rump-a-pum-pum.

Morgan Murphy.

Uh, Silent Night,

'cause if you tell your parentsI'll kill them.

HARDWICK (laughing):All right.

Points.

Next one.

Here's ol' Piss Kringle.

There he is.

Looks like he's havinga good time.

What's Santa celebrating,Morgan Murphy?

He's celebrating getting offa nine hour flight.

HARDWICK:All right. Points.

-Yeah, yeah.-(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

I would.

Next up this Noel hell.

(audience exclaiming)

Oh, Jesus Christ.

A lot of yard displayshave a theme.

What is the themeof this yard display?

James Adomian.

It looks like we've lostthe water on Christmas.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

Points, yeah.

Morgan.

That is, uh, Trump'sholiday internment camp.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

(cheers and applause)

That's stupid.

Next, the morningafter Christmas

when everybody is drained.

There they are.

What happened here?

Reggie Watts.

It looks like a bunch ofinflatable Christmas ornaments

-got deflated.-HARDWICK: All right, points.

-Points.-(laughter)

A little unclear.

Morgan.

Okay, it's gonna be a littlefunnier than Reggie's.

(laughing)

It's, uh, uh, Santa Clausis coming to Jonestown.

HARDWICK:All right. Points.

Points. Very good.

All Shows

#
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z