Kellyanne Conway, seen here
leaving the American Girldoll store
after a lightning boltbrought her to life,
set the Internet aflamethis weekend.
She said White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer's claim
that this was the most attendedinauguration in history
was not a lie,but "an alternative fact."
Um, listen, guys, I'm only 19,but I'm still old enough
to remember when"alternative facts"
-were called lies.-CATTA-PRETA: Lies.
Even Merriam-Webster Dictionarytold Conway to look it up.
Here it is. "A factis a piece of information
presented as havingobjective reality."
-Oh, damn.-(cheering, applause)
That's roughwhen you get your ass
handed to youby a dictionary. Uh...
Comedians, I wouldlike you to give me as many
alternative facts as you canin 60 seconds,
and begin. Rich.
-Two plus two equals France.-Points. Kevin.
Hitler was a black woman.
-NEALON: It's true.-Jade.
Tupac is alive and we're dating.
All right, points.Rich.
Dwayne Johnson is a stage name.The Rock is his real name.
Yeah, points.Kevin Nealon.
I can't imagine this diarrheacame from a Cheesecake Factory.
NEALON:I'm not... Yeah.
Trump got his handssurgically reduced
to make his penis look bigger.
All right, points. Yeah.Kevin. Kevin Nealon.
I'm the host of this show.
-Oh, my God, that'd be amazing.-Oh, my God.
-Take over.-Holy (bleep).