A Shocking Cliffhanger Is Finally Resolved

Monday, October 17, 2016 10/17/2016 Views: 321

After a grueling five-month wait, Chris finally reveals the winner from a cliffhanger episode. (2:48)

If you're a fanof The Walking Dead,

like all other right-thinkingpeople in this great nation,

you knowlast season's finale ended

with a devious cut-to-black

before Negan put the smack downon a main character,

but we don't know who it was!

We can assume it wasn't Carl,

'cause it wasn't just, like,half the screen.


So we decidedto do the same goddamn thing.

We've been taunting our audiencefor five months

like a religious girlfriendwho is only gonna do

-over-the-jeans stuff,and that's it. -(laughter)

But we're finally readyto give it up. That's right.

Now for that thing

America's been talking aboutall summer long.

Everyone go, "Chris Hardwick,who did you eliminate,"

they say to me, "on @midnight?

"I just can't functionuntil I know

what the cliffhanger wason @midnight."

Well, here is who was eliminatedfrom that fateful episode.

You are aboutto get completion.

We're gonna haveto eliminate someone,

but we'll find outwho it is in six months.


I'm just kidding.It's Kirkman. Uh...

-(laughter and groaning)-Do you have any last words

before we eliminate you?

This really wasn'tworth the wait.

Unlike Walking Dead, season seven,

which was totallyworth the wait.

But this--this was bull (bleep).

HARDWICK:All right, red light!

(cheers and applause)


-I mean...-I don't know.

In the end, it was entirelywho you expected it to be.


(dramatic musical sting plays)

Well, there it is.That's everything that, uh...

Well, who-who won?

HARDWICK:Oh, Wil Wheaton did. Yeah.

-There he is winning rightthere. Right there. -Yeah.

-(applause and cheering)-Yeah, it was amazing. -Yeah.

He had a reallyincredible answer.

Yeah. His answer was, like,

a million times betterthan Jonah's,

who was standing therelooking all lose-y.

Look at me just staringat that handshake,

just wanting so much for aconnection with my...

-This is what human contactis like. -Hey, this is my shot,

-man. -It's true. -HARDWICK:I'm just glad you're wearing

-the exact same outfitas six months ago. -(laughter)

-Yeah.-(cheers and applause)

HARDWICK:Well, comedians,

this all started becauseof a Walking Dead cliffhanger

that we're all gonnaget closure on this Sunday.

-Uh, we're gonna do a live...-(applause and cheering)

-Oh. -Live Talking Dead from Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

We'll all find out at once.But what's another big reveal

we might getin Sunday's season premiere?

-Adam. -Well, to competewith Westworld,

now you can (bleep) the zombies.

HARDWICK:Oh, that's great!

-That's great. All right.-(applause and cheering)

Just wear a condom if you do.Wear a condom.

-That's how you...-(laughter)

That's how it spreads.

Jonah Ray.

You're gonna find out thatthe timeline of the show starts

after this upcoming election.

-HARDWICK: What?!-Yeah, yeah.

-HARDWICK: Oh, that's crazy.-Oh. -Just shortly after.

-HARDWICK: Makes a lot of sense,though. -When it all goes down.

Robert Kirkman,what can you spoil for us?

After many years of fan demand,

we do full frontal nuditywith Daryl Dickson.

-(whooping and cheering)-But we reveal

that like Chris Hardwick,he has no genitalia.

-HARDWICK: Okay, that's fair.-(laughter and groaning)

-That's fair. That's fair.-(applause and cheering)