Extended - Europe Be Crazy - That Got Me Good - Uncensored

Extended - Thursday, May 14, 2015 - Uncensored 05/14/2015 Views: 827

After seeing a performance from the Eurovision Song Contest, Mamrie Hart, Flula Borg and Rove McManus list new awards that the contestants should have won. (8:12)

NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAYEUROPE BE CRAZY.

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST IS ATELEVISED TALENT SHOW THAT TAKES

THE GOOFIEST OF CONTINENTS BYSTORM EVERY YEAR.

IT'S SORT OF LIKE AMERICAN IDOL,UH, BUT WITH SETS AND COSTUMES

THAT LOOK LIKE THEY WEREDESIGNED BY A HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA

TEACHER ON MUSHROOMS.

SO WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU A CRAZYNUG FROM THEIR ARCHIVES, AND,

FOR 250 POINTS, YOU NAME THEAWARD THEY GOT FROM THE

EUROVISION JUDGES, ALL RIGHT?

FIRST UP, FIRST UP, THESE FERALPUNK ROCKERS.

(SINGING RAPIDLY IN ESTONIAN)>> WHAT?

>> HARDWICK: NOW, BEFORE ANYONESAYS ANYTHING, I WANT YOU TO

KNOW I LIKE THIS UNIRONICALLY.

UH... SO WHAT AWARD DID THEYWIN?

(BELL DINGS)ROVE.

>> UH, MOST LIKELY TO BE PUTDOWN IF NOT ADOPTED.

HAIRY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

FLULA?

>> LEAST HAIRY EUROPEANS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

HE CAN SAY THAT.

MAMRIE.

>> EASIEST TO MASTURBATE TO.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY. POINTS.

>> OOH, THAT'S VERY TRUE.

>> ACTUALLY, I AGREE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

YOU CAN ALMOST SEE THAT PUPPY'SLIPSTICK RIGHT THERE.

>> AW.

>> OH! OH!

THAT GOT ME GOOD, CHRIS.

YOWCH!

>> DID YOU SAY THAT WAS APUPPY'S LIPSTICK?

>> HARDWICK: YES. I DID.

>> I'M JUST...

I'M ONLY JUST NOW SEEING THATTHEIR NA... IS THEIR NAME WINNY

PUHH-PUHH?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. YEAH.

>> WINNY PUHH.

>> WINNY PUHH.

>> PUHH.

>> WINNY PUHH. THAT MAKES...

>> HARDWICK: YOU KNOW, WITHTHEIR HIT SONG "MEIECUNDIMEES

üKS KORSAKOV LäKS EILE LaTTI."

POSTED BY THE INCOMPARABLE EESTIRAHVUSRINGHäaLING.

DOUB... THAT'S DOUBLE?

USUALLY ONE OF THOSE THROWS MEOFF BUT FUCKING DOUBLE?

>> IT'S LIKE WHOEVER WAS POSTINGTHAT-THAT CLIP, WHEN THEY WERE

TYPING IT IN, JUST, LIKE, HAD ACOMA AND FELL ASLEEP ON THE

KEYBOARD.

(SPUTTERING)>> HARDWICK: WHAT'S YOUR LAST

NAME?

IT'S ALL THE KEYS ON THEKEYBOARD.

JUST ALL OF THEM.

>> I LET MY CAT WALK ON THEKEYBOARD AND JUST STUCK TO IT.

>> THAT'S HOW DUTCH WAS BORN.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE, THISGREEK BAND PERFORMING THE

MYSTERIOUSLY TITLED "ALCOHOL ISFREE."

>> OH.

>> ♪ ALCOHOL, ALCOHOLALCOHOL IS FREE

ALCOHOL, ALCOHOL♪ ALCOHOL IS FREE

ALCOHOL IS FREEALCOHOL IS FREE. ♪

(SPEAKS GREEK)>> OH!

>> UH-OH!

>> LADIES! LADIES!

>> LADIES.

(SUGGESTIVE GROWL)>> HARDWICK: I HAD TO WIPE SOME

POUCH OFF MY MUSTACHE.

>> BELLAGIO?

>> HARDWICK: MAMRIE?

>> UH, BEST SONG TO LURE MAMRIEINTO A VAN WITH.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. NEXT ONE.

THIS POP GROUP WITH A SILVER FOXOF A BASS PLAYER.

>> ♪ THIS IS HOW IT'S MEANT TOBE

WE'RE TOGETHER, YOU AND MEAH... ♪

(BELL DINGS)>> HARDWICK: FLULA.

>> LIVER SPOTTIEST.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

YEAH.

MAMRIE.

>> BEST LAST PERFORMANCE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> SHE KNOWS.

THAT'S WHY...

>> SHE KNOWS. SHE KNOWS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> I-I WILL AWARD THEM BEST USEOF BENJAMIN BUTTON.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

>> YEAH, RIGHT. I CAN SEE IT.

>> HE REAL... HE REALLY HAS NOIDEA WHERE HE IS.

>> NO.

>> HE HAS NO IDEA.

>> HE'S VERY UNCOMFORTABLE'CAUSE HE GOT HER PREGNANT AND

IT'S, LIKE... IT'S WEIRD.

SHE'S-SHE'S FUCKING HIS OLDERBROTHER.

>> AW.

WOW.

HE'D EJACULATE DUST.

>> HARDWICK: DUST. YEAH.

>> PERFECTLY SAFE.

IT'S PERFECTLY SAFE.

>> JUST LIKE A... JUST LIKE...

JUST LIKE A FLOUR CLOUD.

(BLOWS)JUST...

(COUGHING, SPUTTERING)>> WHAT'S IT DOING IN HIS HAND?

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?

(BLOWS)(COUGHING)

>> HORTON HEARS NOTHING.

>> HARDWICK: NOTHING. YEAH.

YEAH. WELL, HE'S L... HE LOST ALOT OF FIRING CAPABILITY, SO YOU

JUST GOT TO BLOW IT ON PEOPLE.

(BLOWS)WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO BLOW

THIS, ON YOUR FACE OR YOURBOOBS?

WHICH ONE?

WHAT'S THAT, NOW?

(SNEEZES)OH, DAMN IT!

>> OH, NO.

>> HARDWICK: AW, I CAN'T DO THATAGAIN FOR ANOTHER SEVEN YEARS.

>> AW.

>> AW.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE, THESEGALACTIC SIBLINGS.

>> ♪ I KNOW THIS IS BOUND TO GODOWN AS THE BIG ONE ♪

(WHOOPS)YEAH!

♪ WHISTLE BLAST...

BIG ONE! ♪>> WHOA. WHOA!

>> OH.

>> WHOA!

>> OH!

>> WOW.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S, UH...

>> JEDWARD. THEY'RE VERY FAMOUS.

>> HARDWICK: THAT WHOLEPERFORMANCE IS WHAT I IMAGINE

HAPPENS INSIDE BALLS.

M-MAMRIE?

>> I HAVE A FAR GREATERAPPRECIATION FOR MY SPERM NOW IF

THEY LOOK LIKE THOSE TWO.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. YOU JUSTTHOUGHT YOU WERE BEING SAD AND

LONELY IN FRONT OF YOURCOMPUTER, BUT THERE'S A WHOLE

PERFORMANCE GOING ON.

(HUMMING DRAMATICALLY)MAMRIE.

>> UH, LEAST MICROWAVEABLETIMBERLAKES.

>> HARDWICK: THEY...

THEY LOOK LIKE JIFFY POP.

>> UH-HUH.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. FLULA.

>> DEFINITELY MY COUSINS.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

THEY ARE.

WE HAVE CHECKED THIS OUT.

>> OH.

>> HARDWICK: ROVE.

>> UM, LEAST LIKELY TO CONVINCEANYONE THEY KNOW WHAT A VAGINA

IS.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY. POINTS.

>> YEAH.

>> OH!

>> HARDWICK: NO, IT'S-IT'S THATTHING THAT... YOU KNOW...

>> THE-THE POUCH.

IT LOOKS LIKE THE...

>> IT'S LIKE A PITA.

>> IT'S LIKE... BUT YOU...

AND YOU DO THAT WITH YOUR HANDS.

AND THEN YOU TURN...

EVERYONE DONE THAT?

REMEMBER? AW.

>> IT'S LIKE A PITA.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S LIKE... YOUKNOW...

(EATING SOUNDS)>> AND THEN YOU... AND THEN YOU

DO... AND THEN YOU GO LIKE THISAND THEN YOU PUT IT... AND THEN

YOU PUT IT IN THERE... AND YOUGET IT AND YOU PUT AND YOU PACK

AND YOU PUT IT IN THERE ANDTHAT'S THE SEX.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> YEAH?

>> HARDWICK: 100 POINTS TO ROVEFOR TEACHING US ABOUT THE SEX.

LAST ONE, THESE DOWN-HOMEFARMGIRLS.

(SINGING IN POLISH)>> ♪ CREAM AND BUTTER TASTE SO

GOODWE WILL PREPARE FOR YOU

DELICIOUS FOOD ♪(BELL DINGS)

>> HARDWICK: AND... WE'RE GONNANEED FIRST-CLASS ACCOMMODATIONS

FOR OUR BUTTER CHURNER THAT WEHAVE TO TAKE ON TOUR.

FLULA.

>> HIGHEST CHOLESTEROL.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

THEY'RE ALL GONNA EAT THAT.

MAMRIE.

>> THE I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RENOT UDDERS AWARD?

>> OH.

>> WE'RE ALL THINKING IT.

WE'RE ALL THINKING IT.

>> HARDWICK: ROVE.

>> I'M JUST GIVING THAT A NEWAWARD CALLED AMISH PORN.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

POINTS.

>> HOW MANY 15-YEAR-OLD BOYS AREWATCHING THIS RIGHT NOW AND

GOING, "I'M TAKING UP BUTTERCHURNING."

BILLY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING INTHERE?!

I'M CHURNING BUTTER! SHUT UP!

>> HARDWICK: IT JUST OCCURRED TOME THAT, LIKE, THE AMISH ARE A

GROUP YOU CAN TOTALLY MAKE FUNOF ON TELEVISION.

THEY'D NEVER KNOW.

>> NO.

>> HARDWICK: YOU CAN TOTALLYJUST SHIT ALL OVER 'EM.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: YOUR BARNS AREDUMB!

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

OH, SHIT! RUMSPRINGA! FUCK!