Never Fear, Pornhub Is Here

Wednesday, March 15, 2017 03/15/2017 Views: 243

Pornhub sent help to snowed-in Bostonians for free, so Jessica Kirson, Sam Rubin and Brian Monarch ponder what other civic institutions the adult site will improve upon. (1:48)

Massive late winter storms aredumping snow

on much of the country.

One New York town got 31 inchesof snow, and I got to say,

we completely understand.

Here in L.A., some residentsare considering

actually putting on long pantsbefore heading to the beach

to smoke dank legal weed.

-(laughter)-It's very...

I mean, this guy's anklesaren't even covered. He's...

But if you're getting slammedby snow in Boston, never fear.

PornHub is here.

-The Web...-(whoops)

Yeah. All right.You know what?

Some of you can pretendlike you don't know what it is.

(laughter)

The Web-based intercoursepurveyors have been sending help

to snowed-in Bostonians.

Plow jobs, my favorite category.

(laughter)

For absolutely free,they're gonna plow your street

like it was a lonely stepmomin your area.

-(laughter) -And she will notneglect the snowballs.

It's another exampleof a private company stepping in

and doing the job the governmentshould be taking care of.

I mean, all those lonely MILFs.Come on, government!

-(laughter) -Comedians,if PornHub has to keep

picking up Uncle Sam's slack,

how will they improvesome other civic institutions?

-Sam Rubin.-At the PornHub Public Library,

before the librariancan help you,

she has to take off her glassesand let down her hair.

-HARDWICK: Yes, yes, yes,points. -(laughter)

-Points.-(applause)

And then, you have to makeher decimal system all dewy.

-(laughter and groaning)-Well, that, too.

Hey, come on, you guys.

-Some dad jokes. Brian Monarch.-(applause and cheering)

The DMV and Planned Parenthood

are gonna mergeand create DMVD clinics.

>-HARDWICK: Yes. Very good.Points. -(laughter)

-Very good.-(applause)

-Jessica.-Yeah.

-School lunches will now includeedible underwear. -(laughter)

-They should. They should.-(applause) -HARDWICK: Points.

Just basically...just basically

-a fruit rollup with a string.-Yeah, exactly.

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