The War on Santa

Tuesday, November 29, 2016 11/29/2016 Views: 331

Triggered by parents who lie about Santa Claus, Chelsey Crisp, Dana Carvey and Scott Aukerman fess up to the emotional damage that Kris Kringle has caused them. (1:55)

Next up-- the war on Santa.

If you're watching this showwith your kids,

you're a great parent!Thank you!

And, also, sorry for allthe times I did this. Aah!


(applause and cheering)


before this next piece,here is a disclaimer.

MAN: Spoiler alert.

AUKERMAN:This is dance.

According to a new study,it's damaging

for parentsto lie to kids about Santa Claus

before Jesus' birthday.

Here's a fair and balanced takefrom Fox News.

MAN: They suggest that lying to children

could undermine their trust in parents,

as a result leaving them open to abject disappointment.

If parents can lie so convincingly

and over such a long time, what else can they lie about?


First of all, (bleep) you,(bleep) those kids.

This is all dumb.

Yeah, I love this.

Like, oh, don't lieto your kids, but go ahead

and keep getting your news froma totally biased news source.

-(cheers and applause)-Oh! -Wow!

Nope. Nope. I'm out.

-I'm out.-HARDWICK: You're in. You're in.

-Scott's out?-Aukerman out.

-Aukerman's in.-CARVEY: You know, uh...

(imitating Trump):This wasn't very nice, okay?

You're not very nice, okay?When's this on? Midnight?

-Why? Why? -HARDWICK: I don'tknow. -What a nasty man.

-What a nasty man. -It's noteven on at midnight.

Comedians, at this verysensitive time of year,

what else is triggering youabout Santa Claus?

-Scott Aukerman.-Now I don't believe it

when I hearanyone who's coming to down.

-HARDWICK: All right, points.-(laughter)

My uncle, Cavalia.

HARDWICK:Yeah, none of 'em.

-The I Loved The 90s Tour.-HARDWICK: Points.

-Chelsey Crisp.-I saw Mommy kissing him,

but he didn't have a beard,and he looked a lot

-like her Pilates instructor?-All right, points.

-(laughter, applause & cheering)-He was ripped!

-He was just ripped. Santa wasjacked. -Just (bleep) ripped.

-Dana. -I'm a vegan, but I eatreindeer meat out of spite.

HARDWICK: Yes. Points.Very good, very good.

-(laughter, applause)-You'll show them!