Plenty O' Fish

June 7, 2017 - #MonsterAMovie 06/07/2017 Views: 121

Lucy Davis, Sean Donnelly and Lucy Davis write online dating profiles for single fish looking for love. (3:05)

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PlentyOfFish is a dating site,

but here's the thing:it's for humans.

It's very selfish.

Get back on FarmersOnly.comwith your own kind

and let us fishhave some fun for once.

I think that'swhat they're saying.

It's very hardto understand them.

Comedians, I'm gonna show youone of the Internet's

many fish pics,and for 250 points,

I would like you to give me aline from their dating profile.

First up, this guy who reallyneeds to see an orthodontist.

Sean.

"I hope this isn't too forward,

but I can comb your hairwith my mouth."

Points, points.

Lucy.

"Are you a fan of reallyunpleasant oral sex?"

(laughing)

Points. Tom.

"Help, I've got blue balls."

HARDWICK:All right, points. Very good.

Blue Gunsticles.

-He's got-- he needs Gunsticles.-DAVIS: Yeah.

Next, this old British ladyfish.

Sean.

"They test makeup on fish now."

(laughing)

Points. Tom.

"Hi. I'm Theresa May,and I approved this message."

HARDWICK:All right, points.

(laughter and applause)

Lucy.

"My last three husbandswere eaten by nurse sharks."

HARDWICK:All right, points, yes.

-Just coincidently.-DAVIS: It is coincidental.

-I had nothing to do with it.-Don't look over here.

Next up, this surprised sponge.

Sean.

"You haven't seen The Wire!?"

HARDWICK (laughing):Ah, damn it.

"What? Are you crazy?"

I'll get to it.

DONNELLY:It's the best I've ever seen.

It's a commitment;I'll get to it.

-The acting's unbelievable.-I know, it's a triumph.

Lucy.

"I am my own contraception."

Points, points.

Very good. Next.

(mimics John Travolta):Whoa, hey.

It's a Travolta fish, you guys.

Hey. Whoa.

Come on.

(normal voice):Sean.

"My friends sayI have resting fish face."

HARDWICK: Ah, yes, points.Very good.

Tom Rhodes.

"You might know mefrom my adult film work.

I was in the film Finding Bimbo."

All right, points, points.

Lucy.

"So my tiny plastic castleor yours?"

HARDWICK:All right, points.

Yes, points.Very good.

Next up, what aboutthis surprised little fry?

Huh? What about this, uh... Tom?

"I can suck the rust offthe Titanic."

Yes, points.

Very good.

(cheers and applause)

Sean.

"Undefeated Chubby BunnyChampion of the World."

HARDWICK:Yeah, all right, points.

What do you think, Lucy?

Sometimes I get gassy.

-In my face.-DAVIS: Yeah.

It's always a treat.

Yeah, there's definitelyface farts.

Uh, and finally, thisunfortunate puddle of fish.

-DAVIS: Oh.-Sean.

I'm a men's rights activist.

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