A magazine interviewwith Dwayne Johnson,
the only rockyour girlfriend would rather get
than an engagement ring,
has been getting a lotof attention today
because of oneinteresting revelation--
his legitimate desireto run for president.
I have no problem with thisat all.
I think, compared to Trump,
The Rock isa much better choice, you guys.
First of all...
(applause, cheeringand whooping)
-First of all,his tan is real. -(laughter)
Secondly,his clothes actually fit,
as opposed to Trump,who always looks
like he's trying to smugglea yoga ball in a sport coat.
-(laughter, groaning)-And if he wanted to,
The Rock could destroy waymore people in Atlantic City.
-(applause and cheering)-He's amazing. I love him.
I love The Rock.
But here's whereI just have a slight problem.
This is a slight problem,
and please don't get mad at me,The Rock.
So, this interview with Dwayne,the Dwayne "The POTUS" Johnson
was on the coverof GQ magazine's comedy issue.
That's a comedy issue.The (bleep) comedy issue.
Look at that comedy bicep
-right there on the frontof the comedy issue. -(laughter)
I mean, I guessthis makes sense, you know,
considering next month,
I'm featuredin Fire Hydrant Arms magazine's
"50 PolynesiansWho Can't Fit in a Prius" issue.
(applause and cheering)
GQ, guys, I know you wantto sell magazines, I get it,
but try to understandwhat's going on
and what comedy actually means,all right.
Thousands of comedy folks theycould have put on the cover,
like-- I don't know-- how about
-Chris "The Rock" Rock,for example. -(laughter)
Or maybe Stephen Colbert,Maria Bamford, Bill Burr,
Tig Notaro, Rick and Morty, Kate Berlant, Nikki Glaser...
-(applause and cheering)-...Hannibal Buress, Louis C.K.,
Norm MacDonald, Noel Fielding,
Dave Chappelle,Jim Jefferies, Sarah Silverman,
Bob Newhart, The Onion, Steel Panther...
-(applause and cheering swell)-...Cheech & Chong.
Cheech & Chong, Ken Jeong,Ali Wong, Patton Oswalt,
every member of The State, every member of Monty Python,
every comedianon Another Period,
who were a lot of peoplefrom The State,
Leslie Jones, Samantha Bee,John Oliver, Melissa McCarthy,
Kumail Nanjiani, Ron Funches,
a hamster in a sweater,
-or... or this kid.-(applause and cheering)
-(applause and cheering)-I mean, so many...
you could have put on the coverof your (bleep) comedy issues!
I mean, guys,
maybe I'm personalizingthis a little much,
but, like, do the jocks haveto take this one, too?
Do they have to take this oneaway from the comedy nerds?
This kind of feels like--
and maybe this is, again,too personal for me--
but, like, when you're inChess Club your whole life,
and then a (bleep) footballplayer puts on fake nerd glasses
and sits at a chess table,
and that'sthe (bleep) photograph
for Chess Club in the yearbook.
-It's, like, they can'tget everything! -(applause)
-Don't get me wrong. I love TheRock. -(applause and cheering)
He could on the coverof anything else,
and I'd be fine with it.
He is the world'sgreatest action star.
Maybe he's notactually a comedian?
Like, an officialprofessional comedian?
Actually, he might not even bethe world's funniest rock.
I think this is actuallythe world's funniest rock.
(applause and cheering)
I think it's safe to say thisone has a much smaller penis.
But, uh, yeah,I-I love you, Rock.
Don't hit me,don't get mad at me. This is...
My beef is with GQ. You didn't do anything wrong.
-(applause and cheering)-I just don't understand!
-A big rock.-HARDWICK: So comedians,
in honor of GQ magazine'scomedy issue, I guess,
please give mea less appropriate
cover person for a magazine.
Billy Joel on the coverof Sober and Forever magazine.
HARDWICK:All right, points.
-(applause and cheering)-Right? -Nice job.
Oscar Pistoriuson Functional Legs Quarterly.
-HARDWICK (laughing):Oh, Jesus Christ. -(laughter)
Well, okay. You know what?
Yeah, he did a bad thing.We can make fun of him.
All right, Lexxi Foxx.
Limp Bizkit on the coverof Better Homes and Gardens.