Dwayne Johnson's GQ Cover - Look at That Comedy Bicep

May 10, 2017 - #RuinMetal 05/10/2017 Views: 380

GQ inexplicably put Dwayne Johnson on the cover of its comedy issue, inspiring the members of Steel Panther to dream up even less appropriate cover models. (3:57)

A magazine interviewwith Dwayne Johnson,

the only rockyour girlfriend would rather get

than an engagement ring,

has been getting a lotof attention today

because of oneinteresting revelation--

his legitimate desireto run for president.

I have no problem with thisat all.

I think, compared to Trump,

The Rock isa much better choice, you guys.

First of all...

(applause, cheeringand whooping)

-First of all,his tan is real. -(laughter)

Secondly,his clothes actually fit,

as opposed to Trump,who always looks

like he's trying to smugglea yoga ball in a sport coat.

-(laughter, groaning)-And if he wanted to,

The Rock could destroy waymore people in Atlantic City.

-(applause and cheering)-He's amazing. I love him.

I love The Rock.

But here's whereI just have a slight problem.

This is a slight problem,

and please don't get mad at me,The Rock.

So, this interview with Dwayne,the Dwayne "The POTUS" Johnson

was on the coverof GQ magazine's comedy issue.

That's a comedy issue.The (bleep) comedy issue.

Look at that comedy bicep

-right there on the frontof the comedy issue. -(laughter)

I mean, I guessthis makes sense, you know,

considering next month,

I'm featuredin Fire Hydrant Arms magazine's

"50 PolynesiansWho Can't Fit in a Prius" issue.

(applause and cheering)

But...

GQ, guys, I know you wantto sell magazines, I get it,

but try to understandwhat's going on

and what comedy actually means,all right.

Thousands of comedy folks theycould have put on the cover,

like-- I don't know-- how about

-Chris "The Rock" Rock,for example. -(laughter)

Or maybe Stephen Colbert,Maria Bamford, Bill Burr,

Tig Notaro, Rick and Morty, Kate Berlant, Nikki Glaser...

-(applause and cheering)-...Hannibal Buress, Louis C.K.,

Norm MacDonald, Noel Fielding,

Dave Chappelle,Jim Jefferies, Sarah Silverman,

Bob Newhart, The Onion, Steel Panther...

-(applause and cheering swell)-...Cheech & Chong.

Cheech & Chong, Ken Jeong,Ali Wong, Patton Oswalt,

every member of The State, every member of Monty Python,

every comedianon Another Period,

who were a lot of peoplefrom The State,

Leslie Jones, Samantha Bee,John Oliver, Melissa McCarthy,

Kumail Nanjiani, Ron Funches,

a hamster in a sweater,

-or... or this kid.-(applause and cheering)

-Hello, mother(bleep).-(laughter)

-(applause and cheering)-I mean, so many...

-Wow.-...comedians

you could have put on the coverof your (bleep) comedy issues!

I mean, guys,

maybe I'm personalizingthis a little much,

but, like, do the jocks haveto take this one, too?

Do they have to take this oneaway from the comedy nerds?

This kind of feels like--

and maybe this is, again,too personal for me--

but, like, when you're inChess Club your whole life,

and then a (bleep) footballplayer puts on fake nerd glasses

and sits at a chess table,

and that'sthe (bleep) photograph

for Chess Club in the yearbook.

-It's, like, they can'tget everything! -(applause)

-Don't get me wrong. I love TheRock. -(applause and cheering)

He could on the coverof anything else,

and I'd be fine with it.

He is the world'sgreatest action star.

Maybe he's notactually a comedian?

Like, an officialprofessional comedian?

Actually, he might not even bethe world's funniest rock.

I think this is actuallythe world's funniest rock.

(laughter)

(applause and cheering)

And...

I think it's safe to say thisone has a much smaller penis.

-Uh...-(laughter)

But, uh, yeah,I-I love you, Rock.

Don't hit me,don't get mad at me. This is...

My beef is with GQ. You didn't do anything wrong.

-(applause and cheering)-I just don't understand!

-A big rock.-HARDWICK: So comedians,

in honor of GQ magazine'scomedy issue, I guess,

please give mea less appropriate

cover person for a magazine.

Michael Starr.

Billy Joel on the coverof Sober and Forever magazine.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

-(applause and cheering)-Right? -Nice job.

Stix.

Oscar Pistoriuson Functional Legs Quarterly.

-HARDWICK (laughing):Oh, Jesus Christ. -(laughter)

Well, okay. You know what?

Yeah, he did a bad thing.We can make fun of him.

All right, Lexxi Foxx.

Limp Bizkit on the coverof Better Homes and Gardens.

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