#HashtagWars - #HeatWaveIn4Words

Thursday, July 28, 2016 07/28/2016 Views: 204

As temperatures reach sweltering heights, Mike Birbiglia, Gillian Jacobs and Tami Sagher describe the worst of the summer heat wave in just four words. (2:06)

It's now timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.

(cheering)

America's currently experiencinga massive heat wave,

'cause there'sno climate change,

which is why our editorsare working overtime

to cut the shots whereI'm reaching under my podium

-to peel my balls off my leg.-(laughter)

Scientists were referringto this phenomenon

as a "heat dome,"which is also what I call it

when my fiancée holds my headunder the blanket

while she pumpsher delicate farts underneath.

(laughter)

Uh...

I was just...I was just picturing it.

Uh, in celebration of...

-It's never happened before,by the way. -Mmm?

I promise you that we don't fartin front of each other.

I've never...I actually have never...

-How many years in?-Two.

-Yeah. You'll get there.-(laughter)

In celebrationof this sweltering season,

tonight's hashtag is#HeatWaveIn4Words.

Examples might be:Too hot for cunnilingus;

and: Urine-filled public pool.

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Gillian.-Armpits smell like fajitas.

-Points.-(laughter)

-Tami.-Sweat-stained Rorschach test.

-Points. Gillian.-(laughter)

Um... urine comes out hot.

-Points.-(laughter)

Birbigs.

Grandma?

Grandma!

Grandma.

Yup.

(laughter, applause, whooping)

Points.

Points.

Gillian.

(laughs)Gotcha.

Uh, visible stink lineseverywhere.

HARDWICK:Points.

Birbiglia.

Martha Reeves and Vandellas.

HARDWICK:Points.

"Heat Wave."

Gillian.

Balls stuck to face?

HARDWICK:Yes, points.

And not your own.

Uh... Tami.

Uh, thinning of the elderly.

HARDWICK:Yes, points.

-(audience groans)-Oh.

Eh, (bleep) them.

Tami.

Uh, no sex till September.