Rapid Refresh - New Terror Threat Alert System & Hipster Santa

Monday, December 7, 2015 12/07/2015 Views: 162

Rick Overton, Tom Rhodes and Brian Posehn get the public's attention with a new terror threat alert system and add hipster flare to an old holiday favorite. (3:50)

>> Chris: RIPPED FROM TODAY'S

INTERNET HEADLINES, IT'S RAPIDREFRESH.

LAST NIGHT, WEATHERED DANNYGLOVER CHARACTER ONLY 58 WEEKS

FROM RETIREMENT, PRESIDENTOBAMA, ADDRESSED THE NATION

ABOUT TERRORISM, SAYING "WE WILLOVERCOME" THE THREAT.

SURE ENOUGH, TODAY HOMELANDSECURITY ANNOUNCED THEY'LL BE

DROPPING A NEW TERRORISM THREATALERT SYSTEM.

THIS IS LIKE "HOMELAND" ANDNOTHING EVER HAPPENS.

APPARENTLY PEOPLE DIDN'T PAYATTENTION TO THE PREVIOUS

COLOR- CODED SYSTEM, BECAUSE THEGENERAL PUBLIC NEVER FOUND SHINY

COLORS QUITE AS EXCITING ASPRESIDENT BUSH DID.

RUMOR HAS IT, THE NEW ALERTSYSTEM WILL JUST BE THE BUFFALO

WILD WINGS MENU.

IT'S RIGHT THERE.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> DESSERT HEAT IS WHAT THEY

WILL CALL THE NEXT WAR.

>> CALIENTE.

Chris: IT'S HARD TO GET THEPUBLIC'S FOCUS.

FOCUS, FOCUS. YOU'RE NOT EVENFOCUSING RIGHT NOW. FOCUS!

SO COMEDIANS, WHAT ELSE ARE THEYGOING TO DO TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE

PAY ATTENTION TO THE NEW TERRORLEVELS?

BRIAN.

>> ATTACH IT TO "STAR WARS."

Chris: POINTS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Chris: TOM RHODES.

>> THEY WILL BE E MAILED TOEVERYONE WITH THE SUBJECT LINE,

JENNIFER LAWRENCE NUDES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

RICK OVERTON.

>> NOWADAYS YOU JUST ADD ONEMORE COLOR, WHITE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

[LAUGHING]>> Chris: YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE

THIS COUNTRY'S TERROR THREAT HASBEEN WHITE SINCE THE 1600s.

>> GET HIM!

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: ALRIGHT SPEAKING OF

WHITE PEOPLE WE TAKE YOU NOW TOPORTLAND.

WHERE THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS HASBEEN LOST IN GENTRIFICATION.

I GIVE YOU HIPSTER SANTA.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> OH, MAN.

Chris: I THINK HIPSTER SANTAIS THE ONE ON LEFT?

WHO KNOWS ANYMORE.

THIS ORGANIC SANTA IS MUCH MOREENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS THAN

THAT CORPORATE ST. NICK WE'VEHAD FOR THE LAST HUNDRED YEARS,

WITH HIS GAS-GUZZLING SLEIGH ANDGIANT CARBON BOOTPRINT.

THIS SANTA RIDES A FIXIE BIKEINSTEAD OF ENSLAVING INNOCENT

REINDEER, AND HE'LL ONLY COMEDOWN YOUR CHIMNEY IF IT GIVES

CONSENT.

[LAUGHING]>> Chris: THERE HE IS.

HERE IN HIS FINEST BIG LEBOWSKICOSPLAY.

I JUST WANT MY CARPET BACK.

SWEET MAN-BUN, KRINGLE.

OUR TRADITIONAL SANTA IS GONNANEED SOME UPDATING, SO

COMEDIANS, I'D LIKE YOU TO GIVEME A LINE FROM THE CLASSIC POEM

"THE NIGHT BEFORE HIPSTERCHRISTMAS."

TOM.

>> TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORECHRISTMAS NOT A CREATURE WAS

STIRRING EXCEPT FOR MY LIFEPARTNER KYLE.

WHO WAS STIRRING NUTMEG MORNINGSMOOTHIES FOR OUR MORNING

MEDITATION.

>> GOT TO GET SENSORS.

Chris: RICK OVERTON.

ON ETSY, ON PINTEREST, ONTINDER, ON GRINDR

>> ON FACEBOOK, ONFRIENDSTER,

ON RUSSIAN BRIDE FINDER.

[LAUGHING]>> Chris: POINTS.

MR. POSEHN.

>> ON DONOR, ON BLITZEN.

HE'S A RESCUE.