Andy Cohen

November 10, 2014 - Andy Cohen 11/10/2014 Views: 14,903

"Watch What Happens: Live" host Andy Cohen shares stories from his playful memoir, "The Andy Cohen Diaries." (6:44)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY!

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE HOST OFBRAVO'S "WATCH WHAT HAPPENS

LIVE."

TO MAKE HIM FEEL AT HOME, I'MALREADY DRUNK.

PLEASE WELCOME ANDY COHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)HEY, ANDY!

GOOD TO SEE YOU!

THANKS FOR COMING BACK!

IT'S ALWAYS SO NICE TO HAVE YOUON THE SHOW.

>> I APPRECIATE IT.

ALWAYS NICE TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: YOU HAVE THEGIGAWATT SMILE, A BREATH OF

FRESH AIR, AND AN IMPRESSIVE ASHELL DUDE. YOU'RE AN

EMMY AWARD WINNING HOST OF,"WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE" ON

BRAVO, ALSO EXECUTIVEPRODUCER OF THE

"REAL HOUSEWIVES" FRANCHISE>> WHICH YOU LOVE

>> Stephen: I LOVE THE REALHOUSEWIVES.

I GOTS TO HAVE MY NAYNAY(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND YOU'RE A BEST SELLINGAUTHOR WITH A NEW BOOK, "THE

ANDY COHEN DIARIES" -- A DEEPLOOK AT A SHALLOW YEAR.

>> YES.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT

YOUR EPIC SHALLOWNESS.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: IT HAS BEEN SAIDTHAT YOU COULDN'T GET YOUR

ANKLES WET IN ANDY COHEN.

YOU COULD NOT DROWN A FERRET INHOW SHALLOW YOU ARE.

>> I THINK I WAS THE ONE WHOSAID HOW SHALLOW I AM.

I MODELED THIS BOOK AFTER ANDYWARHOL'S DIARIES.

OF COURSE, THE ARTIST WHO WENTOUT EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK, HE

DROPPED A TON OF NAMES.

I DROP A TON OF NAMES IN THEBOOK.

HE WAS FASCINATED BY CELEBRITY,AS AM I.

THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO SHARE MYDEEPLY SHALLOW BUT DEEP STORIES

ABOUT A LIFE OUT RUNNING AROUND,HOSTING A LATE-NIGHT TALK SHOW,

RUNNING AROUND THE WORLD, ANDTHE DEEP PART COMES TALKING

ABOUT DATING AND I RESCUED THEDOG,

AND FELL IN LOVE WITH THE DOG.

THAT'S WHERE IT GETS REALLYDEEP.

THE DOG RESCUED ME!

>> Stephen: WOW!

(LAUGHTER)>> YES!

>> Stephen: THAT'S A TWIST YOUDON'T SEE COMING.

>> TOTAL, IT'S THREE-QUARTERSOF THE WAY THROUGH THE BOOK.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

>> Stephen: IT CAN BEDANGEROUS.

IN REAL LIFE, IF YOU TRY TO TAKEA DEEP LOOK IN A SHALLOW POOL,

YOU COULD BREAK YOUR NECK.

>> YEAH, YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: SO IT'S IN THE FORMOF A DIARY, IT'S ONE YEAR

YOU WROTE EVERYTHING YOU DIDEVERY DAY

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE FOR YOUTO WRITE IT?

(LAUGHTER)>> LET ME THINK --

>> Stephen: DID YOU WRITE ALLTHIS BY THE WAY?

IT'S NOT GHOST WRITTEN?

>> 100% ALL ME

>> Stephen: THE DOG DIDN'TWRITE ANY OF IT?

>> THE DOG DIDN'T WRITE ANY OFIT. THE DOG JUST

WRITES HIS INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT. ITTOOK ME EXACTLY A YEAR TO WRITE

OF COURSE, AND THERE'S A LITTLEBRIDGET JONES DIARY THROWN IN

THERE TOO, WHICH I KNOW YOU'LLENJOY.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT GONNALOSE A LOT OF WEIGHT AND WE

WON'T RECOGNIZE YOU ANYMORE,WILL YOU?

>> NO. THOUGH I DID BECOMEOBSESSED WITH MY WEIGHT AND LET

MY MOOD BE DICTATED BY WHATEVERTHE SCALE WAS TELLING ME IN THE

MORNING AT THE GYM.

>> Stephen: HOW YOU FEELING?

I BROKE THE PATTERN.

I BROKE THE HABIT.

>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO TODO THAT?

>> I JUST SAID, I CAN'T DO THISANYMORE.

I'M A FOOL.

WHY AM I LETTING A VARIANCE OF4 POUNDS DICTATE MY MOOD FOR THE

DAY, TAKING IT OUT ON OTHERS?

>> Stephen: AND THEN WHAT DIDTHE PAXIL SAY?

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S ONE OF THE SIGNS OF THE

PAXIL, THIS MOVEMENT.

(LAUGHTER)>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUTSOME OF THE STARS YOU HAVE.

YOU SAY IT'S A SHALLOW LIFE, BUTYOU DO MEET INCREDIBLE, CREATIVE

ARTISTS.

CHER, GOOD FRIEND ANDERSONCOOPER, LADY GAGA.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: AT ONE POINT, YOUWERE HANGING OUT WITH LADY GAGA

AND MALALA YOUSAFZAI. >> YES

>> Stephen: AND LET'S SAY IT,IT'S A SAFE PLACE. MALALA'S

SUCH A STAR [BLEEP] AT THISPOINT, RIGHT?

>> YOU THINK THAT, TOO?

>> Stephen: TOTALLY>> ME TOO!

>> Stephen: "I'LL COME, MAYBE --WILL GAGA BE THERE?"

WHAT WAS SHE LIKE? HOW DOESSHE FIT INTO YOUR WORLD

BECAUSE SHE IS TRULY DEEP.>> SHE IS TRULY DEEP

>> Stephen: ARE YOU HUMBLED BYSOMEONE LIKE THAT?

>> I AM ABSOLUTELY BUT I WASALSO QUITE AMUSED BEING IN THE

PRESENCE OF BOTH OF THEM,BECAUSE THAT'S AN AWKWARD COMBO

AND I LOVE AWKWARD DUOS AND THEYARE ONE. AND I LOVE

EAVESDROPPING ON THEIRCONVERSATION AND REPORTING ON IT

>> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT?

GA-GA WAS TRYING TO EXPLAINTO HER ABOUT THE LITTLE MONSTERS

AND HER FASHION, AND I DON'TKNOW IF IT WAS TRANSLATING

AND -->> Stephen: WAS SHE TRYING TO

INVITE MALALA TO BE A LITTLEMONSTER?

>> YES, I THINK SO.>> Stephen: WHEREAS MALALA

ACTUALLY LIVES IN A COUNTRY FULLOF

ACTUAL MONSTERS.

>> TRUE.

>> Stephen: ONE THING I NOTICEIN HERE, I JUST OPENED A COUPLE

OF PAGES AT RANDOM.

>> YOU DIDN'T READ THE BOOK,STEPHEN?

>> Stephen: I DID, BUT NOT INTHE CORRECT ORDER.

I READ WORDS AT RANDOM. I THINKI GOT THE GIST

>> IT'S FUN THAT WAY.>> Stephen: IT REALLY IS

YOU MAKE WHAT YOU DO EASY BUT IWAS JUST FLIPPING THROUGH THE

BOOK AND THERE ARE SO MANYCHALLENGES YOU FACE

IN THE BOOK

>> I DO.

>> Stephen: YOU FALL ASLEEPDURING YOUR MASSAGES.

YOUR LOCAL DRY-CLEANER CHANGESMANAGEMENT WITHOUT WARNING.

YOU'RE TRYING TO GET TO FIREISLAND BUT FOR SOME REASON

WEST 12TH STREET IS CLOSED

WHERE DO YOU FIND THE COURAGETHE GO ON, ANDY COHEN?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

THANK YOU FOR RECOGNIZING THESTRUGGLE THAT IS ME.

IF YOU'RE GETTING A MASSAGE ANDYOU FALL ASLEEP

>> Stephen: DID YOU GET AMASSAGE?

>> DID HE DO YOUR LEGS?

IF YOU WAKE UP AND SAY, DIDYOU DO MY LEGS?

BECAUSE THEY HURT.

HE SAYS, YEAH I DID YOUR LEGS

HOW DO YOU KNOW? >> Stephen: NEXT TIME, PRETEND

TO SLEEP AND TRY TO TRAP HIM.>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

THE BUTT OF EVERY JOKE IN THISBOOK IS ME SO, YES, THOSE ARE

SOME OF THE STRUGGLES I HAVE.>> Stephen: CAN I TELL YOU WHY

I THINK YOU'RE AN ACTUALCULTURAL ARBITER HERE?

YOU'RE STILL THE EXECUTIVEPRODUCER OF THE "REAL

HOUSEWIVES" SERIES, RIGHT?

>> YES, SIR.

>> Stephen: HOW SMALL A TOWNCAN WE GO TO AND STILL HAVE REAL

CRITICAL REALNESS OF HOUSEWIFERY?

IS IT ATLANTA? CAN WE DOMEMPHIS? CAN WE DO

FOND DU LAC OR DES PLAINESILLINOIS? HOW BIG OF A TOWN--

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR, WHATCONSTITUTES REALNESS?

>> I THINK WE'RE GOOD RIGHT NOWBUT I YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.

I LIKE THE IDEA OF FIVE WOMEN INMOM JEANS HOLDING CORN AT THE

BEGINNING OF THE SHOW.>> Stephen: I THINK THEY'RE JUST

AS EQUALLY CAPABLE OF ALCOHOLISMAND RAGE.

>> 100%!

>> Stephen: ANDY, THANK YOU SOMUCH.

THE "THE ANDY COHEN DIARIES"COMES OUT TOMORROW!

GO GET IT!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!