We've all been through a lotof emotional turmoil
in the past few months,but thankfully
there's a way to express it all:emojis.
In fact, just this past week,
Apple releaseda whole batch of new emojis.
Plus, emojis are noware getting their own movie.
And Monday was evenWorld Emoji Day. Yes.
Whi... Which we can all agree
was a "thumbs up, fireworks."
For more on the current stateof emojis,
we turn nowto Michelle Wolf, everybody!
I know I had a good time.
Uh, did you havea good World Emoji Day?
No, I didn't.
As J. Lo would say in the 2002blockbuster movie Enough,
Enough with the emoji.
Oh, come... oh, no, come on,Michelle, Michelle,
people like emojis.
Oh, really?Because, last time I checked,
I'm people,and I don't like them.
Emojis are stupidand stupid people like them.
Like this guy.
We text and we talk.
Every night I call homeand we talk.
Because they don'tthink of me as an emoji guy,
I go crazy on emojis.
I mean, like, I do sevenor eight of these things.
I'll throw those out there
and my kids and my wife, uh...
I am just not the emoji typeperson, so they think,
so that's why I just...I overkill on the emojis.
And then when Paul Ryan'sdaughter texts him,
"Hey, Dad, how can you support
"a cruel health carebeer... bill and a president
that brags about grabbingwomen by the pussy?",
Paul Ryan's like,"Shrug, monkey covers eye."
Michelle, I-I... Look...
I think I knowwhy you're really upset--
it's becausethere's no redhead emoji.
You're goddamn right!
There's no redhead emoji.
There's emojisfor everything else.
They have different skin tones,
a woman in a hijab,
they even have a dinosaur.
When you would text a dinosaur?
Is it for a breakup?
"Our relationshipis dinosaur, asteroid"?
I don't need to give peopleanother way to dump me.
I'd rather be dumpedthe old-fashioned way:
being abandonedat the Olive Garden.
I thought we weregonna be family, Jeff!
Wh... W... It's just-It's justa picture of a dinosaur.
Yeah.Everybody's getting emojis.
I bet if O.J. gets parole,
there's gonnabe a whole "emo.j's".
A whole pack.
A glove, white Bronco,
cop planting evidence,
a Kato Kaelin holding a tinyhead shot of Kato Kaelin.
No, I'm-I'm so sorryto hear this, Michelle.
I never thought about this.
So, basically, you don'tuse an emoji for yourself.
Oh, no, I use an emoji.
I use the onethat's closest to a redhead.
The clown!The goddamn clown, Trevor!
Emojis are fun.
I just want to be included.
I want to be in a leotarddancing with my best friend.
I want to carry a plateof invisible food.
I want to be a dinosaur!
All I want is one emoji.
Is that too much to ask?
I mean, redheads, we may notbe as easy to deal with
as brunettesor as popular as blondes,
but we are people with feelings
and thumbs and freckles.
We have too many freckles.
Preach, my ginger.
That is not your word to use.
Sorry, I... I got comfortable.
Michelle Wolf, everyone.