Do We Really Need Alternate History TV?

July 20, 2017 - Issa Rae 07/20/2017 Views: 25,487

Roy Wood Jr. gives his take on the HBO series "Confederate," which will reimagine history as if the Confederacy had won the Civil War. (4:04)

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Last nightthere was a major firestorm

on Black Twitter.

For more on this, we turnto Roy Wood Jr., everybody.

-(cheering, applause)-Yes, there was, Trevor.

-What's going on, Roy?-Hey.

This whole week for black peoplehas been a trip, man.

O.J. free.

R. Kelly runningthe weirdest "music school"

I've ever heard of.

And them dudesbehind Game of Thrones

finally found some rolesfor black people.

NEWSMAN: HBO has announced a new series from the creators

of the wildly successful phenomenon Game of Thrones.

NEWSMAN: David Benioff and D.B. Weiss

have a full season order from HBO

for a series called Confederate.

It would imagine a world where the Southern U.S.

won the Civil War.

So it would be like modern day, only if the Confederacy won.

(laughter)

Can you even imaginesuch a strange reality?

A modern-day America

where Confederate flagsfly everywhere,

black peopleare treated like (bleep),

and white supremacistsrun the country.

Where do they come upwith this stuff, man?

-(applause)-HBO doing it!

-(cheering)-Oh, man, they're doing it!

Look, why do we need this?

We already have a showabout black people working hard

for no money--it's called college basketball.

Yeah, but, Roy, but, Roy,look on the bright side.

At least this will meanmore roles for black actors.

Mmm, or, knowing Hollywood,

the lead slave is probablygonna be played by Matt Damon.

(laughter)

Probably won't even changehis accent.

He'll be on the plantationstill talking Boston.

Oh, master,I need some more chow-dah.

Yeah, chow-dah.

Slavery's wicked hahd.

(laughter)

Hahd.

Let's go in the shed, singsome Negro spirituals. Hahd.

I-I... What accent is that?

(laughter)

-Boston. Boston. -Have youever been to Boston, Roy?

-I've seen Boston.-Dude, that...

that accent is so bad,

I think you owe Matt Damonreparations, man. What...?

Look, Trevor,here's the bigger question.

Do we really need any moreof these "what if" shows?

What if the Nazis wonWorld War II?

What if womenhad to wear dumb hats

and have other people's babies?

What if nerdswere (bleep) able?

Look.

Enough is enough, Trevor.

-So, so wait. So wait.-We don't need it.

(cheering and applause)

-Wait, wait.-There's enough of them.

No, but...

So, so you don't think thereshould be any more

-of these alternative historyshows at all? -Oh, no, no.

Well, well, there is one projectI've heard of

that actually soundsa little promising.

It's a show where-- all right.

These Africans colonize Europe,

and then the white peoplebecame slaves.

It's called Bitch Better Have My Cotton.

(laughter)

See?

Now it makes sense to havea slave Matt Damon right there.

-'Cause you've gota white slave. -I don't know.

I don't know about that.I don't know.

I-I'm not gonna lie,I just don't see it.

-I don't know.-No.

-No, because, like,white slaves? -Yeah.

Like, it's a cool premisebut it wouldn't work.

-It would work, dude.-No, it wouldn't.

'Cause then they'regonna be outside,

-and then...-Yeah, they're working.

And then, like, they'regetting sunburned (bleep).

And then, then, like,

the black slave master'sgonna come and be like,

"What are you doing?""I'm burned."

And then it's gonna be like,"Just get out the way.

"I'll do it myself. Go inthe house, go in the house.

You're getting burned,just go in the house."

And then the peopleare gonna be like,

"Wh-Why did you free theslaves?" "Too much sunscreen.

I had to buy all the sunscreen."

Too mu-- like,it-it doesn't work.

Look. You joke, Trevor,

but I've heardthat the script is amazing.

Matter of fact, there's alreadya bidding war going on.

And, you know, if any of thesehigh-level executives, you know,

that you're out there,you're interested in producing,

you know, this particular show--(quietly): Ava DuVernay--

Look, they should e-mail thewriter of this script at

RWood78@BitchBetterHaveMyCottonTVShow.com.

(applause)

-It's not me.-That's totally you.

-Roy Wood Jr., everybody.-No. It's not me.

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