My guest tonightis the senator,
a senior senator,from South Carolina.
Please welcomeSenator Lindsey Graham!
-♪ -(cheering and applause)
-Oh. Senator Lindsey Graham.-Oh.
-Thank you for being here.-Yeah. Good as it gets.
-Wait, w...-Which is kind of sad, really.
Wait, what's as good as it gets,you or the... or the show?
-What are you saying? What's...-I saw the opening.
-Is that... It's just... It'sa phrase you say? -No, this is
just something...It's an observation,
-more than anything else.How you doing? -I'm doing great.
-Thank you very much forbeing on the show. -Absolutely.
Thanks. Let's-let's get straightinto it. Let's cut to the chase.
-Cut to the chase, yes.-Let's cut to the chase.
You have officially endorsedTed Cruz.
Uh, I'm on the Ted train.Absolutely.
-What's not to like?-Okay. Okay.
Which is a very interestingtrain for you to be aboard.
-Because...-Well, I started with 17 cars.
-I'm down to three.-Well, you were actually...
-you were actually one ofthe cars, which is weird. -Yeah.
-That didn't last very long.-So, like, you-you were
an empty car and then you goton the train now,
-which is a weird thingto happen. -Absolutely.
-Got blown away by the Donald.-But-but this-this is why
this is so interestingto have you here. Because, uh...
-If we can play this. -Well,Ted was my 15th choice, yeah.
If you killed Ted Cruzon the floor of the Senate
and the trial was in the Senate,
nobody could convict you.
(cheering and applause)
So... it's safe to...
it's safe to saythat you are/were/are
not a fan of Ted Cruz.
It tells you everything you needto know about Donald Trump.
Yeah, but I... I don't under...I don't understand this.
-You-you really, really, reallydon't like... -Well, you're not
-from here.-You don't like Ted Cruz.
I don't dislike Ted.
Ted and I havea lot of differences.
I'm getting better at this.So, uh...
You know what I feel?I feel that you guys
-are like a buddy cop movie.-He was my 15th choice.
What can I say?
One, he's not completely crazy.
-he's really a Republican.-So partially crazy.
-Partially crazy. -Well, hey,that works in Washington.
You got Bernie. Uh...
-Okay, okay. Not-not fullycrazy. -You can't say "hip"
-without Bernie. -Yeah, that'sa tick. What else is a tick
for him? What-what turns youon about Cruz?
Uh, that he's not Trump.
-That's it?-And that, uh...
That's all you need?!
And that he's a Republican.He will not...
Uh, we will not getcompletely killed.
And if Donald Trump carriesthe banner of my party,
I think it taints conservatismfor generations to come.
I think his campaignis opportunistic,
race-baiting, religious bigotry,xenophobia.
Other than that,he'd be a good nominee.
Here's a questionI have for you, though.
-(whooping, applause)-Here's a question I have.
-So... -And we're about to losethe most dishonest woman
-in America, Hillary Clinton.-But here's the thing.
Here's the thing. If you say...if you say Donald Trump
is not a Republican, why doesit seem like the Republican base
fits him like a glove?
What's going on? Do the votersnot know that this...
or have you maybe given themthe impression
that maybe this is a partythat supports xenophobia
-Well, 45%...-and bigotry and...
-(cheering, applause)-all of those things you listed?
Is that possible?
It's possible that some do,absolutely.
35% of my party believes thatObama's a Muslim born in Kenya.
He's locked that crowd down.
Now, 65% of us just thinkhe's a bad president.
Oh, I... I...
There was a joke there,
-but then you guys were noton his side at all. -(laughter)
-You guys were not... I get...-I don't get paid to do this.
You should have got itthe other way around,
because it made it...I hear what you're saying.
-So you're not on that train.-Yeah. Well, I'll slow down.
-So you're saying-- no, no---I'm sorry.
I understand thatyou're saying that there are
some people in the partywho do not have
-the correct views.-Are you a citizen?
-Am I citizen?-Yeah.
No, I'm not.
-I'm not. Why?-Do you have a green card?
-I do not. -If I were you,I'd be in a hurry.
Is that you worried about...Why would you say that?
If Trump wins,your days are numbered, pal.
-You know what I love?-Young, black, liberal guys
from Africais not gonna work with him.
you have the look of terrorin your eyes.
If you were sittingas close as I am,
this is fascinating,'cause you were literally like,
"We're all gonna die.We're all gonna die.
-(laughter)-We're all gonna die."
You're like-- you knowwhat you look like right now?
Have you ever seen those movieswhere there's, like, one guy,
and he's just got,like, a shotgun,
and he's runningdown the street, he's like,
-"The end is near!The end is near!" -Yeah, yeah.
It's funny you say, okay...-Yeah, I'm in that movie.
you say Ted Cruz... you say TedCruz over Donald Trump, but then
here's another clip, and thisis interesting to watch.
I prefer John Kasich,but he has no chance
-'cause he could actually win.-Let's play this clip.
Again, it's likebeing shot or poisoned--
what does it really matter?
-(applause) -Lindsey Graham,I don't understand,
I don't understand.If it is like being...
Okay, first of all, who isshooting and who is poisoning
between Trump and Cruz?
Well, Donald is likebeing shot in the head.
-Okay. -You might findan antidote to poisoning,
I don't know,but maybe there's time.
But is... I don't understand,are you saying...
wait, are you saying...
I'm saying my party's completelyscrewed up at the moment.
But then why would you...why would you nominate...
-(laughter, whooping) -whywould you nominate anyone, then?
-What?-I don't understand, then.
Then why... why nominate anyone?
Why not... why not...
Well, if it were left up to mewe wouldn't nominate anybody.
We're start all over again.
But, you know, this is...it's called democracy.
Welcome to America.
-I feel so much pain.-I'm gonna change my name
to Votey McVotefaceGraham and...
-(laughter)-see if that helps.
You should call yourselfVotey McVoteface,
-that's what you should do.-You can just call me Votey Mac.
Votey MacVote...this is so much fun.
I mean, I feel for you,and we're gonna talk more
about the party, but that's allwe got time for in this segment.
We'll be right back with more
from Senator Lindsey Graham,everybody.