I'm here with my panel. First upis Nightly Sho cat Ricky Velez.
(cheering and applause)
And Nightly Show chickHolly Walker.
(cheering and applause)
And this cat over hereis a CNN anchor
and the network'sChief Washington Correspondent,
as well as the anchorof the CNN weekday news show
The Lead with Jake Tapper and host of the Sunday morning
affairs program State of the Union.
He's no jive turkey.He's dyn-o-mite.
He's the coolest of cats.He's Jake Tapper.
-Yeah!-(cheering and applause)
And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now
on Twitter, @NightlyShow,using the hashtag, #Tonightly,
whatever the (bleep) that means.I don't know.
I have no idea.
All right. We're gonna do thingsa little different tonight.
Uh, we're gonna do itlike a key swap party.
Y'all know what a key party is?
All right. They still do that?
They still...You (bleep) do it, right?
All right,here's how it goes down.
I got a fishbowl full of keyswith different subjects on them.
Just reach in, grab a key,and then we'll talk
about that (bleep), okay?I'll tell you what.
I-I'll go first, all right?Okay.
-There you go.-(laughter)
That's my hotel key.
Right in there.Put that in there.
There you go.
All right, sexy mama,you go next.
That looked morelike a motel key.
Yeah. That's right.It is a motel.
Uh, Election 2016.
Election 2016.That's a good one.
That's right up your alley,right?
All right, Election 2016.
All right,this is a big election year.
Now, I hear you guys have gota chick running.
That's pretty cool, right?So let me ask you this,
should a brick house bein the White House?
I think a brick house is betterthan a (bleep) house.
-Um, and that's what we... Yeah.-Yeah.
And that's exactly what we gotwith George W. Bush, so...
I thought you were talkingabout that orange mother(bleep)
-that's running right now.-Oh.
-That, too. Him, too.Him, too. Yeah. -Do you think...
do you think this foxy mamahas a chance?
-Pardon me?-Do you think...
do you think, um...
do you think this foxy mama hasa chance to be the president?
-Sure, absolutely.Hillary Clinton, yes. -Yeah?
Absolutely.She has a-a very good chance
-to be the Democratic nominee,and... -You think so?
I'm the straight man here,aren't I?
I don't know, man. I got nothingagainst a foxy mama
telling me what to do. I thinkI said that earlier, right?
Uh, who's-who's got thebest chance of knocking her out?
Well, she has, uh,tough competition
from your-your old friend,uh, Bernie Sanders.
Yeah, that man's wild.I can't even tell you...
-Drink to that.-Do you think, uh...
do you think America's readyto be led by a female, though,
-right now?-I don't. I-I do.
I do think it's ready fora female but not that female.
-I think Hillary has a lotof baggage on her. -Yeah.
She has a lot of baggage.She's like if you were
to go adopt a dog andyou went to Mike Vick's house
to pick one up.Like, you don't...
-you don't...-I don't know what that means.
-Who-Who's Mike Vick?-It's gonna bite you
sooner or later!It's gonna bite you!
-It knows some (bleep).-Dog from a dog fighting ring.
-He's a football player?Oh, okay. -Football player.
I think definitely some peopleare opposed to her
because she has the toughesttr... uh, time with-with men.
-I mean, especially olderwhite men are the ones -Yeah.
that are most reluctantto vote for her.
Uh, Bernie Sanders,uh, is getting a lot
of young people though and,I think, a lot of progressives.
A lot of people think HillaryClinton is a little too, uh,
-moderate or even conservative.-Let me tell you,
Bernie's always gottenthose young chicks,
-you know what I'm saying? He'salways gotten them. -And I ca...
And I getwhere Hillary is coming from,
'cause I have a hard timewith older white men, too,
-so... Yeah. -There you go.All right, pass the bowl down.
-There you go.-Let's get another topic.
-Oh, that's amazing.-Pick a topic.
-What have we got here?-What you got?
-Swipe Buster.-Swipe Buster. All right.
Let's see what this is.Swipe Buster. All right.
Oh, okay, something calledTinder, right?
Swipe Buster's a new Web sitethat lets you find out
if your spouse is cheating
-on the dating app Tinder. -Mm-hmm.
Because according to a new study, 42% of people on Tinder
are either married or in a long-term relationship.
Okay, so I got three questions.
Number one--what the (bleep) is a Web site?
Number two--what the (bleep) is an app?
And number three-- doesn't this(bleep) sound like snitchin'?
Come on, newsman.
-It's...-It's definitely snitching.
-There's no question about that.-WILMORE: Right?
Although I have to say, anybodythat was looking to Tinder
for, you know, moral exemplars
is probably not in the rightplace to begin with.
-WILMORE: Yeah.-WALKER: You would actually
love itbecause it's about having
-kind of almost anonymous sex.-Uh-huh.
Like, you get on,you find someone
-that you kind of wantto hookup with. -Mm-hmm.
You're not necessarily seriousabout them.
WILMORE:Is it like closing your eyes,
just reach around and seewho you find on your waterbed?
-(laughter)-Yeah, something like that.
-WILMORE: That was... -WALKER:Something like that, yeah.
-It's the 2016of version of that. -Yeah.
All right. Okay.So is that snitchin' to you,
this whole thingthey're talking about?
Man, I... Yes, to a point,but at the same time, like,
if you got to go on Tinderto find out
if (bleep) good,(bleep) is not good.
-(laughter)-I like that.
-That's a good point.-WALKER: Agreed.
WILMORE: Let's just chooseone more. We're out of time,
but who gives a (bleep).Let's choose another one.
-$15 an hour minimum wage.-All right.
-(applause and cheering)-Yeah.
So, uh, $15 minimum wageis coming to California,
and New York, they say.
I think going from $2.50 to $15in one leap-- that's a big jump.
I'm just saying,that's a big jump, right?
Okay, so the question is,
should this be federal issueor a states issue like slavery?
What do you think?
-(laughter) -Chris Rock hasthe great line about, uh,
-about the...-WILMORE: Chris Rock?
Chris Rock isan African-American comedian.
-Oh, okay. -Very... He hostedthe Oscars this year.
-Oh, no (bleep).-Yeah.
Damn, they still got the Oscars?
And he said that minimum wageis the concept for
when somebody says, I'm goingto pay you this amount
because anything less than thatwould be breaking the law.
I'm paying you as littleas I can possibly pay you.
-Yeah. So $15. -It was funnierwhen he said it, by the way.
That's a lot.
Yeah, well, he's a comedian.
-You ain't a comedian,mother(bleep). -(laughter)
You saying it,it's a sentence, right?
I think $15 is a lot. $15...In New York. Fif...
TAPPER:$30,000 a year?
-Come on, man.-WALKER: No, uh-uh. I...
You're gonna make someof my drug dealer friends
get a job at CVS.Like, this is (bleep) up.
-(laughter)-WILMORE: Say, $30,000,
you can buy two Corvettes.
-(laughter) -What?-WALKER: All I know...
You can't...you can't buy two Corvettes?
All I know is that if New Yorkis getting $15 minimum wage...
...somebody's getting a raiseat The Nightly Show. Yeah.
-WILMORE: All right.-(applause and cheering)
Well, I want to thank everybodyfor being part of my panel.
Thanks a lot.
Remember to keep drinking,smoking and see you next time.
We'll be right back.
-(applause and cheering)-(disco music playing)
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