Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.
First up, Nightly Show contributor Ricky Velez.
And Nightly Show contributorRory Albanese.
And she'll be taking hernational Mermaid Lady
comedy tour to the Wagner NoelPAC in Midland, Texas
on January 14
and the Peppermill Concert Hall
in West Wendover,comedian Kathleen Madigan.
For everyone at home,join our conversation right now
on Twitter-- @NightlyShowusing #Tonightly.
Okay, so earlier in the show,talking about, uh, poison water,
Flint, Michigan,poor people just really...
just get it at every turn, man.It's just ridiculous.
Now, I wanted to bring upthe Powerball lottery
is tomorrow.$1.5 billion.
Is the lottery just moreexploitation of the poor
or is it just fun--am I making too much of it?
No, it's... it's fun.
You can't take all the stuffaway from dumb people.
-I mean, I like... -You go rightwith the connection with...
No, I mean, I like it.You... For the hopeless...
I played it. I-I wouldlike to... I don't...
I don't know if you-you'd manageall that money, but I...
It's fun. You... Give the...You got to give a monkey a ball.
-You can't just...-Give a monkey a ball?
Yeah, you're... You can't takeaway all their toys
because you say it's expl...that it's exploiting them.
-What if they win?-It exploits a dream.
-Yeah. -Well, no, I... See,I don't think the lottery is...
I feel like whereit exploits poor people
is telling themif they keep working hard
they're gonna get rich,'cause they're not.
That's exploiting them,you know what I mean?
And I feel like...No, you know what I'm saying?
It's like...It's like selling it...
No, I think it's sellingeveryone on this (bleep) fantasy
that, in this country,if you just pull yourself up
by your bootstrapsyou're gonna be the president.
Like, (bleep).Most poor people,
-they don't ever becomepresident. -Right. You...
They just work their whole lifeand they don't have a chance.
And the lottery, at least,is an opportunity to, like,
-get some jet skis. -Wait,you think the American dream
is more elusivethan the lottery?
I think the... I thinkthe lottery is more realistic
-than the American dream.-Really?
-Yes. At this point. -I mean,with the president thing...
With the president thing,since Trump's in,
I kind of feellike I have a shot.
-Like, I feel likeI could be president. -Exactly.
I thought my first grade teacherwas huffing glue.
No, that bitchhad (bleep) going on.
Like, she knewwhat she was talking about.
I don't think it's exploitingtheir dream either.
I don't think a lot of peoplewould dream
without the chanceof the lottery.
I think they'd justsit at home and watch more...
-The lottery now providesour hopes and dreams. -Dreams!
Otherwise it's just anotherepisode of House Hunters.
It feels like the lotto,to me, is the government's
way of saying,"You know what, we just
-(bleep) give up, guys, sorry."-Oh, just...
-"We-we got no more ideas."-It's "We hope you win stuff."
-No more ideas.-No more.
It's... That's my favorite showon TV is The Doctors,
on in the day, it's thenumber-one show in the day.
People don't have health care,
they're hopingsomeone calls in a show
with their question.
That's-that's how far it's gone.
Like, as far as the governmentgoing, "I don't know, man,
there's a show on TV, maybeyour topic'll get covered."
Maybe... maybe todayit's arthritis
-and it's your lucky day.-Yeah.
-What?-That's... I guess...
It's amazing to mehow many reports there are
of people winning moneyand it ruins their lives.
Why do you thinkthat happens, Ricky?
I mean, that comes... I mean, ifyou look at the NFL, it happens.
A lot of people, afterthey leave the NFL, they...
four years, I think,it's around 60%...
-Like they made a lotof money... -Yeah, 60% of them
-end up claiming bankruptcy.-Yeah.
So it goes back to just peopleacting ignorant with your mo...
I mean... I want to buya tiger-- that's a dream.
-That'd be tight.-Yeah.
-That'd be amazing.-You don't really need a tiger.
No, I don't need a tiger,but it'd be dope.
-He doesn't need another tiger,you know what I mean? -Yeah.
Hey, Larry, come over.
Let's play with the tigerfor a little bit.
-Are you not gonna come over?-Yeah.
It also ruins it 'causethey tell everybody they won.
You know, in on some states,you have the...
My sister actually wonfor one state's lottery,
and you have the optionto not go on TV,
and they're like, "Hell, no,I been waiting to get on TV!"
And then theytell everybody they won,
and now seven million peoplecall them.
But it's your family and friendsthat screw everything up.
Yeah, that'sexactly the problem.
ALBANESE: Oh, you mean like...But how do you...
Like, my point is this,if you...
Say you live in a modest,impoverished situation
-Yeah. -and then you wina billion dollars.
-Although if it'simpoverished... -Peace! I'm out!
Yeah, but I'm saying,but if then you win, like,
a billion dollars ora few hundred million dollars,
how do you not be like,"Yeah, mother (bleep)!"
You know what I mean? Like,that's just human nature.
Just to drive down the streetin, like, a (bleep) giant car
and be like,"You're all stuck here!"
WILMORE:I think if we won a...
I think if we wona thousand dollars in that...
in the scenarioyou talked about.
I would just do itin a different city.
That's the problem.
You can't do itin front of your cousin's house.
-Gotcha.-'Cause then he's gonna go,
"Where'd you get all of that...(gibberish) come get it."
-You have terrible cousins.-That's the way he would say it.
Okay, I also want to talk about,you guys...
have you guys seenthis documentary on Netflix,
the Making of a Murderer?
-You've heard of this thing,right? -Yes.
Okay, so this is fascinating.So it's set up
to be this documentaryabout somebody who was wrong...
but I think once againit's saying to poor people:
you have no chancein the criminal justice system.
-Yeah. -I mean, that'sthe clear message, isn't it?
I totally agree.I mean, look, here's the truth.
You don't have a chancein the criminal justice system,
'cause you getthat public defender
who looks like he drank allthe water in Flint, Michigan.
-You know what I mean? Like...you get that guy. -(laughter)
-WILMORE: That was horrible.-Yeah.
And, like, how do you get...like, law is the real thing--
you need to understand itso you can, you know,
defend yourself,and you get that dude,
you're just, "Well,(bleep) it, put me in jail."
-Ricky, you look skeptical.-I mean, the whole...
Making a Murderer is very biased and one-sided...
-Do you think he did it?-Come on, man,
he put a cat on firein the first ten minutes
-of the documentary.-(laughter)
-There was something up.-As a guy who owns tigers,
-he's very sensitive.-Exactly.
-It's a feline on fire!-It's a feline on fire!
Don't touch the cats!
-Exactly. Yeah.-Don't touch the cats!
MADIGAN:I watched the condensed version.
-Uh-huh. -But the first thingI thought was...
-The condensed...-how... how much of...
how much of a pigstyis your property
that someonecould plant a car on it.
-Wait... -I mean...-(laughter)
But it's a junkyard.He lives on a junkyard.
But still, you still would knowwhat's in your junkyard.
You know, go, "Oh, my God,a Toyota showed up
this morning-- I have no ideawhere that came from."
-That's crazy. That...-WILMORE: This is filthy.
like you claim you're such a pig
that the policecould plant a car.
I don't know, I feel like,how neat does a junkyard
-really have to be?-Well, I think they know
where their stuff is--'cause if you've ever been
to a junkyard and said,"Hey, do you have a muffler
for a '76 Camaro?""I do! Hold on!"
And they know exactlywhere that stuff is.
Wait a minute, your cousinworks at the junkyard?
They know where their stuff...
They have everythingaccounted for.
-I got eight radiators, I got...-Yeah, which is, to me,
another reasonhe probably didn't do it.
-You don't think he did it?-No. 'Cause...
He had a car crusherright there.
-Why wouldn't he use it?-I don't know!
I'm so throw by this thing!I have so many emotions!
I don't know, I mean,if I have a car crusher
and I murder someone in a car,I crush the car.
You know what I mean?I'm gonna crush the car.
VELEZ:Why were they in the car?
The fire pit was,like, ten feet away.
-Yeah. Exactly. -MADIGAN:Why was who in the car?
-The blood.-Ricky, by the way,
would be a betterpublic defender than that guy.
That's how bad...that's how bad...
that's how badthat public defender is.
I would take Rickyover that guy.
He threw the cat in the fire!Come on!
The defense rests, Your Honor.
I never did that to my tiger!
It's just weird (bleep)going on in that household.
-Yeah. I agree.-I just mean...
I don't think youshould sleep with your cousins
'cause that's what happens.
That's what thatlooks like to me! I'm sorry!
-(laughter, applause)-You guys don't see that?
You don't think they kisson the lips and (bleep)?
-(laughter)-Listen... even if...
even if there wasa little bit of cousin sex
-going on, even if...-There's no even if!
he doesn't deservelife in prison
-for some light cousin sex.He doesn't. -Well, hold on.
-Hold on, Rory. -MADIGAN: And itdoesn't make you a murderer
just because you thinkyour cousin is cute.
VELEZ: Yeah. I don't know.I've never lived
on a junkyard with my cousin.I don't know.
I know that dude shouldn't bein jail for life.
WILMORE: Cousin sex-- you shouldat least get 30 years. Come on.
ALBANESE:Come on, he already did 18.
-He already did 18.-That's true. That's true.
I mean, you know,18 years in prison...
see your cousin, you know,(bleep) goes down.
I don't know.There was no proof of that.
All right.We'll never figure this out.
-(laughter)-We'll be right back.
(cheers and applause)
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