Panel - America's Exhausting Presidential Race

August 17, 2016 - Lewis Black 08/17/2016 Views: 22,292

Lewis Black, Ricky Velez and Rory Albanese share their frustrations about the 2016 presidential race and examine whether Donald Trump has effectively destroyed the GOP. (6:33)

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Welcome back.

I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Ricky Velez.

(cheers and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorRory Albanese.

(cheers and applause)

And he's currently on his, uh,

The Emperor's New Clothes:The Naked Truth Tour.

And next month, for four nightsonly, he'll be performing

his show Black to the Future on Broadway

at the Marquis Theatre,comedian Lewis Black.

(cheers and applause)

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShowusing the hashtag #Tonightly.

Okay, so, even thoughI have zero (bleep)

-to give at this point...-(laughter)

-I've got plenty of boozeto give. -ALBANESE: All right.

Courtesy of the Colbert show,man.

This is great.We got little bottles here.

Uh... Stephen was in his hotela little too long.

Well, a lot of little bottles,Larry, add up to one big bottle.

-So...-WILMORE: Oh, there you go.

ALBANESE:Are they taking résumés?

-WILMORE: Uh...-(laughter)

We'll cover that later.

Uh, all right, so,

as you're pouring your drinks,let's get started.

-Lewis, I'm so glad you're here,by the way. -Well, thank you.

-I couldn't think of anybodyelse... -Thank you.

...that I wouldrather have on the...

on our second-to-last showthan Lewis Black.

Well, uh, you know,it's an honor to... to be here.

-WILMORE: Oh, no.-No, seriously.

-I was here at the beginning andhere at the end. -WILMORE: Yes.

You helped start us off, man.

And Al Roker said no,so thanks, Lewis, really.

(laughter)

Uh, so I just got to get your...I don't even have a question.

I just want to know, what's yourwhole take on this election?

What-what... what is yourfeeling on this whole thing?

Well, i-it's-it's... it-it-it...at some point, it has to...

it has to stop!

(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

It's just... it's over and overand over and over.

Same... every day!

(grunting and moaning)

It's... it's a vomitorium.

We would be better offas a people if they just

covered it and they went,"Okay, here's Donald Trump."

And you had a duckthat was quacking.

It's just, "Quack, quack, quack,quack, quack."

And then... you went...and here's Hillary,

and you get a little Chihuahua.

(barking)

And that's it!

It's senseless!

WILMORE:I understand. I agree.

-Um...-When are we gonna...

-A-And...-Right.

-if you want to do itthis long... -Yeah.

-This is really helping me.-Yeah.

If you want to do it this long,

-Mm-hmm.-then it has to stop, uh,

on-on Memorial Day weekenduntil Labor Day.

-Just shut up!-Yeah, yeah.

-It's...-I like that.

It's the (bleep) summer!

-(laughing): Right.-Okay?

It's not just summer for kids

so that they can go to a pooland do their crap!

-It's for adults!-Yeah.

It's adults!

It's our time!

-Don't bother me!-I... exactly. I agree.

(cheers and applause)

WILMORE: Uh...

Give me a recipe!

Give me a new recipe for ribs!

WILMORE: Yeah.

That's what thisgoddamn time is about.

So, what you're saying isthis doesn't move you at all.

-Um...-(laughter)

VELEZ:Time out.

-I just want to say I feel-Yeah.

-the same way he does,-Yes.

but I got a Xanax prescription.

-WILMORE: Yeah.-(laughter)

-WILMORE: Exactly.-ALBANESE: Seriously.

You want to know... you wantto know something crazy,

so-so does Lew.

(laughter)

You should see himwhen he's not on it.

-It's (bleep) great. -But youknow what's interesting,

I always wondered,do you think people

are still gonna be dissatisfied?

There's a lot of problems thatjust can't be fixed right now.

A lot of thosemanufacturing jobs,

I don't care what Trump says,they're just not coming back.

-They're just not. -Well, Trumpis one of the rea...

I mean, you know,everyone's sending them overseas

because it's cheaper,you know, so...

You know, it's like, y-y...look, I think we know

a little thing or two aboutbeing out of work, right, Larry?

-WILMORE: Right.-The, um...

(laughter)

The thing is, you can't...

you can't... I'm sorry.

Okay, let it go, Rory,let it go.

Mom, come pick me up!

WILMORE:Let me ask you, look...

Do you think Trump destroyedthe Republican party?

'Cause it seems like,it seems like

he left a trail of tearsbehind him.

Well, y-you know,

I think the Republican partylet, uh, you know,

-let itself be destroyed by him.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

Because they wanted, as-asthe media did, uh, eyeballs.

We want to get as many peoplewatching as possible,

so we're going to bring him in,'cause people are going to watch

because he's just, uh, you know,

he-he's... uh...

(laughter)

-I didn't know...-WILMORE : Yeah.

I did so many drugs in my youth,

I didn't know if that laughwas inside my head.

-WILMORE: Yes.-(laughter)

-ALBANESE: Right, yeah.-VELEZ: Yeah.

You know, I'm not going to lie,since, uh, since...

since that announcementon Monday,

Ricky's given me so many drugs,

I thought it was in my head,too, so there.

We're so high, we're goingto show up to work on Monday.

(laughter)

BLACK:Yeah, I think that...

That was the beginningof the end.

And they, and at...

Look, as soon as he said,you know,

"Boy, those Mexicans, they'repouring in over the border.

"They're raping,they're pillaging,

"they're eatingall the avocados.

There's no shrimp dip."

As soon as he said that...

He's got a problemwith the avocado eating?

ALBANESE:He does.

I had no idea thatwas the situation.

It was after the rapingand pillaging.

WILMORE: He is...he's extremely protectionist.

You know, but as soonas he said that,

any-any party with any moralcompass whatsoever would go,

"Well you know what?You can run.

You just can't runas a Republican."

But that was-- but that wasthe moment in time...

WILMORE: They didn't say that,right, they did not say that.

when people began to watch andwent, "Wow! Boy! This is great!

This will be funto (bleep) watch!"

But look at...But, honestly, though,

look at the other,look at the other 15 people,

-16 people that were in it.-WILMORE: I think it was 30.

-Was it 30 in the beginning?-No, I don't know-- I have no...

I mean, who in that groupis going to rise to the top?

Like, Chris Christie is a joke,you know.

Um, Ted Cruz is... we all knowhe's a serial killer.

-You know, I mean...-Who hooked up...

ALBANESE: These are all,these are all just facts.

These are just facts, you know?

Have you ever seena candidate disqualified

'cause someone said he hadlow energy?

What is that?!

I mean, what votersbelieved that?

That's what I don't get.

Like, you're a voterat home going,

"Let's see,I like this Jeb Bush, you know.

"He was a good governor--oh, wait.

-"Trump said he has low energy.-Yeah.

Well, I'm not going to votefor him now."

But even without Trumpsaying that,

Jeb Bush was doing stuff likemaking speeches and going,

"Please clap," you know,and you're like, "Nah.

You're done. I don't wantto vote for you anymore."

What was shockingwhen I saw him run,

-when Jeb Bush started,-WILMORE: Yeah.

-you know, showing up...-Right.

You know, because for yearsyou heard he's the smart one.

-ALBANESE: Genius, yeah, yeah.-(laughter)

-It was like, wow!-Yeah.

Wow, if I... if i had known...

-If we'd only known that!-WILMORE: Right.

It's such an unbelievablylow bar we've set in America.

-He's the smart one.-ALBANESE: Yeah.

All right, we'll be right back.

(cheers and applause)