John Hodgman protects his Etsy storefront by doing whatever it takes to keep the hackers happy.
The Internet is a bottomless repository where misanthropes can judge at their masturbating leisure.
America can't raise taxes, but it can tax the bumper stickers and protest signs about taxes.
NASCAR should replace its boring oval track and cars with a giant fist race in an octagon.
Ira Glass is catnip to children, if kids were cats and nip was something cats hated.
WikiProStitution already has 6,000 new amendments outlawing anchor babies and banning werewolves.
The World Cup would be more popular if it ended socialized medicine and let America win.
To prevent scandals, the Catholic Church should replace altar boys with chimps.
Americans can fight greedy corporate overlords with an Angry Mob Platinum Diamond Card.
Every American becomes a congressman, and sick people move to a leper resort called Camp Sniffles.
John Hodgman proposes selling California to the Church of Scientology.
John Hodgman saves the economy by declaring Emergency Christmas.
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