Ian Bagg - Dating

  • Season 11 , Ep 17
  • 03/29/2007
  • Views: 3,279

Ian is 35, dating an 18-year-old. He'll sign autographs afterwards. (2:04)

I GOT DUMPED BY A CHICKWITH FOUR KIDS.

HOW [BLEEP] OF A BOYFRIENDDO YOU HAVE TO BE

TO GET DUMPED BY A CHICKWITH FOUR KIDS? HELLO, SHE'S NOT A CATCH.

AL RIGHT, THAT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL, I KNOW.

HER EX-HUSBAND HATED ME, ALWAYSSENT MESSAGES THROUGH THE KIDS;

"MY DAD SAYS HE'S GONNA KICK YOUR ASS."

YEAH, WELL YOU CAN TELL YOUR DADI'M SLEEPING WITH YOUR MOM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HE SAYS HE CAN'TCOME TO THE PHONE,HE'S SLEEPING WITH MOM.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. OH MY GOD. I DATED ONE GIRL,

SHE WAS FOUR FOOT ELEVEN. I'M SIX FOOT FOUR.

I'VE SEEN HER ONCEWHILE WE'RE HAVING SEX.

ENDED UP HAVING TO DRAW A FACE ON MY TUMMY

SO SHE'D HAVE SOMEBODY TO TALK TO WHILE WE'RE HUMPING.

SHE'D ALWAYS COMPLAIN: I HATE KISSING THE MAN WITH NO TEETH.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HERE WE GO. OH, MY GOODNESS.RIGHT NOW I'M 35

AND I'M DATING AN 18-YEAR OLD. THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'LL SIGN AUTOGRAPHS AFTERWARDS.

YOU GET TO DO A LOT OF FUN THINGS

YOU HAVEN'T DONE IN A LONG TIMEWHEN YOU DO DATE AN 18-YEAR OLD.

LIKE ONE DAY I GOT TO GOTO A HIGH SCHOOL DANCE.

IT WAS FUN, BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT WAS NERVE-WRACKING.

'CAUSE YOU GOT TO SEE ALL THE KIDS FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND THEY'RE ALL NOSEY.

HEY, MR. BAGG,WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M DANCING WITH YOUR FRIEND AND THEN I'M GONNA PUT [BLEEP] IN HER.

[LAUGHTER, OH'S & APPLAUSE]

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE, I'M A [BLEEP] BANGER.

ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS. PICK YOUR MEDICINE, SISTER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

EVERY SHOW I DO AT LEAST ONE PERSON HATES ME.

ONCE THERE WAS A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR, HE HATED ME SO MUCH

HE STOOD UP ANDWALKED OUT OF THE ROOM.

I WAS LIKE "HELLO, I HEALED YOU."

HE DIDN'T CARE. HE STARTED RUNNING, SKIPPING,

THEN HE TRIPPED AND BROKE HIS NECK. AND I LAUGHED AT 'EM.

I SAID; THAT IS KARMA, AND I KICKED 'EM IN THE RIBS.

- AH, HA-HA. - AH-HA.

[LAUGHTER]

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