THANK YOU.

UM, DON'T WORRY, I'M HILARIOUS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY, THIS IS A SONG...

LET'S BRING THIS DOWN.

[ MID-TEMPO MELODY PLAYS ]

♪ EVERY TIME I GO TO DINNER

♪ SEEMS LIKE I'M GETTINGA LITTLE BIT THINNER ♪

♪ I'LL SIT DOWNAT THE BREAKFAST TABLE ♪

♪ I CAN TALK, THEY'RE NOT ABLE

♪ WHEN I LOOK AT THEM, I FIND

♪ THERE'S A SINGLE QUESTIONON THEIR MIND ♪

♪ I WISH IT COULD GO BACKTO THE WAY IT WAS ♪

♪ IT'S NOT EASY NOWBEC-A-A-AUSE ♪

♪ MY WHOLE FAMILYTHINKS I'M GAY ♪

♪ I GUESSIT'S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY ♪

♪ MAYBE IT'S 'CAUSE OF THE WAYTHAT I WALK ♪

♪ MAKES THEM THINK I LIKE BOYS

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERING ]

OKAY, STOP IT.

♪ THE GODDAMN QUESTIONJUST WON'T GO AWAY ♪

♪ AND I GET ASKEDEVERY SINGLE DAY ♪

♪ BUT THE WAY THEY ASK ITIS NOT A DISGUISE ♪

♪ LIKE, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?DO YOU LIKE TO KISS GUYS? ♪

THAT'S...FUNNY.

♪ THIS IS THE WORST, BABY,THIS WAS MY FEAR ♪

♪ NOW THEIR OPINIONSARE CRYSTAL-CLEAR ♪

♪ BECAUSE MY WHOLE FAMILY NOWIS SHOCKED ♪

♪ I'M IN THE CLOSET,AND THE DOOR IS LOCKED ♪

♪ NOW MY GLORY DAYS ARE GONE

♪ I WAS JOHN ELWAY,NOW I'M ELTON JOHN ♪

♪ AND MY WHOLE FAMILYNOW SUSPECTS ♪

♪ THAT WATCHING "SpongeBob"HAD SIDE EFFECTS ♪

♪ I'M NOT GAY,AND THAT'S WHAT I SAID ♪

♪ IF I'M GAY,HEY, GOD, STRIKE ME DEAD ♪

[ LAUGHS ]

[ COUGHS ]

[ POUNDS KEYS ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ MELODY RESUMES ]

♪ JUST 'CAUSE I'M AFRAIDOF THE SNOW ♪

♪ OR MY FAVORITE COLORIS THE RAINBOW ♪

THAT'S A JOKE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ I DON'T MEAN TO YELL,BUT I FEAR I MUST ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M LOSING THE PEOPLETHAT I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST ♪

♪ BECAUSE EVEN MY BOYFRIENDTHINKS I'M GAY ♪

♪ JUST...

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ YOU ALL PROBABLY THINKI'M GAY ♪

♪ MAN, THIS SONG ISCOUNTERPRODUCTIVE ♪

♪ LA, LA, LA, LA

♪ BECAUSE MY WHOLE FAMILYTHINKS I'M GAY ♪

♪ WHAT IF THEY KNOW, ANYWAY?

♪ YOU GOT TO LOOKRIGHT THROUGH THE HAZE ♪

♪ EASY-BAKE OVENWAS JUST A PHASE ♪

♪ AND MY WHOLE FAMILYTHINKS I'M QUEER ♪

♪ THAT IS ALL I EVER HEAR

♪ BUT I'VE BEEN AS STRAIGHTAS A RAMP ♪

♪ IF YOU DON'T COUNTBIBLE CAMP ♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]THANKS.